Even More

 

            Am I scared to face something in my mind I have to eventually face. Why did I do drugs? Why did I do them again? Why do I do them now?  Addiction holds its place in your blood in your mind. Then once you think you have got your mind under control.  It seems this time its physically addicting this time it hurts your body to not receive what hurts you even more.

            The sky is beautiful.  This morning after no sleep it seems to be a painting tomorrow the edge of reality will be curved without notice.  You have no idea what I am talking about neither do I cuz who was I to become  some1 that chooses to let drugs into their personal routine.

            Before when the attempt to ignore my thoughts was okay and easy to accomplish life seemed to glide past with nothing to worry about not enough experience to actually give a damn about reality. Lifes goal was to fit in.  today I got made fun of cuz im white no big deal tomorrow I will go through life with painted skin so that wont happen again.   I walk  into the place where you were not supposed to be white. But today I beat the problem I painted my skin …color

            Truths and lies can blend together. Just like black and white turns grey.  What the f**k is real anymore and what the f**k is just my mind letting me see what it wants me to see .  life is a lesson death is a lesson.  I cant hide forever.  Pretend I say  believe whats supposed to be perfect  let it be real I say. 

I TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY….. proof its all gone. Its still apart of me when will it come back harder to tell me I CANT GO AWAY YOU B*****D STOP HIDING ME IM STILL UR EVERY MOVEMENT UR EVERY THOUGHT UR EVERY ACTION. Pretending is auto pilot a fake paradise

Paradise told me im in hell… SEE IM STILL HERE U B*****D SO STOP PRETENDINGAND GIVE ME SOME F*****G ATTENTION…..”click” haha that button that’s called mute it turned off all that annoying sound haha and he thought he could tell me what to do…”click” YOU B***H DON’T TURN AWAY FROM ME ILL STILL DESTROY EVE…”CLICK”  damn some1 stepped on the awesome button that turns off that sound…but no worries I fixed it.

 

 

I Awoke thinking only of my nearest task…Open my eyes scream five more minutes and go back to sleep…30 minutes later after multiple snoozes I drag myself to the shower…

it’s weird how you can have a routine down since before you can remember.  There was absolutely nothing going on in my brain that morning or every morning.  My body new my routine so well it needed no mind usage at all.

… pour a little shampoo on my hand rub scrub  de dub dub. My hair full of soap made especially for hair. Rinse pour a little conditioner in my hair.  Gently brush the “clinically proven to soften hair two times more then the other leading competitor’s conditioner” formula in hair and rinse.  I think I will rinse and an extra time too then….               Didn’t it used to  be my favorite time 6:00 A.M.  The birds are chirping the air is nice and fresh and crisp.  I hate being tired it took that away from me. My selfish body gives me nothing to enjoy anymore. My beautiful appearance slowly dieing as each of my deep breathes  become shorter and shorter by the day

Reviews

[BL00DY-K1TTEN]

i can personally relate to this story and thankfully i got through it, though it was hard and i will not lie part of me wants to go back. awesome story and awesome part: Paradise told me im in hell� SEE IM STILL HERE U B*****D SO STOP PRETENDINGAND GIVE ME SOME F*****G ATTENTION�.."click" haha that button that's called mute it turned off all that annoying sound haha and he thought he could tell me what to do�"click" YOU B***H DON'T TURN AWAY FROM ME ILL STILL DESTROY EVE�"CLICK" damn some1 stepped on the awesome button that turns off that sound�but no worries I fixed it.

keep writing and being inspired =)

-BL00DY-K1TTEN

[Serephine]

Wow. great work.

Addiction does suck, especially when you let it ruin your life.

But yeah! keep writing.

:]

-Vampy

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Siri,
Your talent is still great. You have a great command of words. You put them together so well and create interesting stories.

I could feel the lost and fight that you are going through in your mind. Questioning how life lead you to drugs and why. How you don't even know who the person you've become is. (if that makes sense.) The things you once loved are at a distance. And you want to find the person you was before.

This is an excellent write. as your style you keep the reader wanting more.

[Heidi Hallucination]

its like some kind of addiction of some sort it really confused me but somehow I understood what you were saying