As Yet Untitled

Whipped this up at 430 am. explains a lot.

 

D and E enter from side stage. There is a mattress on the floor with sheets and a big lump in the middle off to the opposite side from which they entered. There is a TV in one of the front corners of the stage and a couch centre stage facing the television.They move across stage to the couch.

 

D: S**t! Why does it have to be so god damn...

 

E: Depressing?

 

They sit on the couch.

 

D: Well that's one way of putting it, but it's not just that is it? It's hard and painful and embarrassing and depressing and at times it seems worth it and then something else will happen and you realise it has indeed been a complete and utter wasting of time and energy.

 

E: Dude, everyone knows being a teenager sucks.

 

D: Yeah, but does anyone ever tell you why?

 

E: Didn't Miss Baker talk about hormones or some s**t like that in sex ed? Like, they f**k up how you think and s**t? And make your brain, like, I dunno, short circuit?

 

D: Yeah but I still don't get why it has to be so awful? Some people go through teenage-hood without the slightest problem, so why does it suck for the rest of us?

 

(Lump on the mattress moves.)

 

Z: Population control.

 

 

E: (Looks around) Who the f**k just said that?!

 

Z: I did.

 

The lump on the mattress sits up to reveal Z looking hung over.

 

D: Oh for f**k's sake I thought I told you to piss off home last night.

 

Z: Did you? I don't remember most of last night. I’m pretty sure I was wasted.

 

Laughs and flops back onto the mattress.

 

D: Yeah, well, whatever. What the f**k are you talking about population control? Like it's all a conspiracy theory?

 

Z: Its not a conspiracy theory, jeez. It's actually quite simple. (Sitting up) Whatever created us, God, Allah, Mother Nature, a big bang, whatever, created this thing called survival of the fittest, right? Well, it worked fine in animals for millions of years until one day the monkey jumped out of the tree...

 

D: Ape.

 

Z: Ape, monkey, whatever. When it jumped out of the tree, walked upright and rubbed two sticks together what ever up there got a great big finger in the face and realised that the survival of the fittest had to get a revamp and we got S.O.F v2.0 what we like to call "being a teenager".

 

D: You're full of s**t. What the hell do you mean? Like being a teenager is a test?

 

Z: (Standing up and strectching as he talks) Look at it this way, who commits the most suicide? Us li'l ol' 13 to 21 year olds. What age group are most likely to die of drug or alcohol related incidents? Us. What age group are most likely to drive their car off a cliff or around a tree? Us. It's pruning out the unstable, the idiotic, the sick and the weak to make sure that maybe this generation will turn out a little less fucked up than the last.

 

E: (Looking at D) You know, that actually does kinda make sense.

 

Z: Of course it does.

 

Z walks around to the back of the couch and puts head between the other two.

 

D: (Turning to look at Z) So you think being a teenager is just a way to see who deserves to live?

 

Z: God are you still on that topic? Look its not about deserving or not deserving or what ever. If you run your car off the road and die, you're not smart enough, if you go and slit your wrists in the bath tub, you're not strong enough.

 

D: You're f*****g sick in the head do you know that?

 

Z walks around to the front of the couch, extremely pissed off.

 

Z: I'm sick in the head? What about all the times you and your buddies thought it was so damn f*****g hilarious to flush my head down a toilet, huh? (Turning to audience) Or when you paid that chick to make out with me and then tell me that she hated me in front of the school? What about when A swallowed a whole bottle of her Mum's sleeping pills because she couldn't come to school every day to find out what new name you and your Neanderthals had come up with? Was all that just a test to see who deserved to live? To see who was strong enough? I'm not sick in the head, you are.

 

D: Look you know I never meant for that to happen to A...

 

Z: (Turning back towards) Forget it. You know that B and C used to go down to the paddock and fire off rifles at old bottles and cans and balloons, and used to pretend that they were you and the guys? I even went with them a few times...

 

(D jumps up off couch)

 

D: You were gonna shoot me?!

 

Z: No, we were never gonna shoot you, but we used to vent our anger at you out on stuff that couldn't hurt us back. Pretend that you couldn't hurt us back. We'd shoot and get it out of our systems, then we'd get high and drunk and go out smashing windows and letter boxes and setting fire to s**t, cuz we were angry and high.

 

Author's Note

Obviously not finished.