219 - summer

when i was little
summer was a time to play
to be free from the confines
of daily life
a time to be a kid
staying out until night fell
answering the streetlamp's call to go home
with scraped knees and dirt under your nails

when i was young
summer was a chance to escape
that prison
a chance to sleep in and stay up late
to stay with friends as many times as possible
before their families asked why you hadn't just moved in yet
it was a time to gossip and giggle
to learn to savor the freedom you have

the summer is now
a time to despise
for it has been tainted with memories
i would rather not remember
summer robbed me of my favorite places
where my only gifts to give were taken from me
where i would spend entire nights crying
and making myself bleed
where memories have fuzzed out from
the haze i was in and only remember
bits and pieces, spikes of color and the taste of sound

summer is not real anymore
it is just a collection of things gone wrong
of things to miss
and of things i will never get.