The Place.

Please review, my first poem with a syllable scheme.

To anyone listening to my words.(10)
I have something to say (6)
You may find me silly, or simply absurd. (11)
I need to say it without a delay. (10)

There is a place too far away from us. (10)
It's not here nor there, swear. (6)
Maybe it doesn't even really exist. (11)
I've seen it once before, the place was rare. (10)

It's a place that anything happens dear. (10)
This place we can't feel hate. (6)
I know it has to be true, this place I've seen. (11)
Please, come with me darling, accept our fate. (10)

My utopia is perfect, it's true. (10)
Nothing to make you mope. (6)
Thats what the human race truly needs, you see. (11)
After slumber, I'll wake here, I have hope. (10) 

Author's Note

Please Review this.

Reviews

[.........]

you sent me a read request for this one, so i decided to check it out for you. i like this one, i like the last stanza the best. "After slumber, I'll wake up here, I have hope." love that line by the way. once again, you take the depressing ideas and understanding, and somehow also manage to give them reason to believe

[Dilan Gray]

I really like how you wrote this. I love how you describe the place, being perfect and then saying that you have seen it before as if to assure the reader that it exists. I really love this poem!

[Tate Morgan]

An interesting syllable count a well written poem

[Samantha (:]

I love, love, looooove the pulse and on going beat of this. (: I also like the subject matter. We all have those thoughts of wishing we were somewhere else where there was no pain or sorrow in our own little dream world. Well written!

[Coyote Poetry]

You done very well with the poem. Hard to make sense in writing when you desire to write syllable scheme. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Bauner Chafin]

one word. LEGIT.

[Alessander]

I actually would want the last line to end in "I hope" to make this piece a bit more ambiguous, but I suppose that would defeat the optimistic message of the previous lines lol

I like how you stuck to the scheme you created in the first stanza and didn't waiver. It's easy to get into stanza three and just say, "Screw this". So kudos for the consistency. There were some glitches here and there due to it, but nothing major.

Other than that, I'll give my standard standing advice: more imagery.

Nice work.

[Nat.]

I like this alot :) It's so interesting to see the feelings and thoughts of others and this site really helps.

[Sydney Evans]

I know I realized that I need to edit.

[E.M.Oglesbee]

very nice overall, though my OCD is bugging me so i have to say that by my count all of the first lines in your stanzas have 10 syllables, not 9