destinations

theres something stuck in the valves of my heart. some viral sludge that is keeping me from breathing. it hurts to sigh, my feet are numb and blistered, and my eyes go in and out of clarity. words tend to get stuck in my throat when i see you, and i forget how im supposed to act. you make me feel small because youre so strong. you make me feel weak because youre so tall. the times ive been with you, the things ive done; how can i ever apologize and hope things would go back to the way they were? there wil always be that hesitation, and now i know you can never love me. i wish things were different between us- somehow that they were easier. that they were more natural and fluid. i wish we were in love. i wish we were so alike that we melded together in a bed. i wish we could teach each other things...secret things. but it will never be that way. we will never be in love. and it will always be you who is teaching me how to be strong.