Weapons of Mass Distraction

My attempt at a very short story

       McDougall sat in the dark holding a beer in his hand. “ I hate
       waiting” he said for about the fifth time.

       “They’ll be here soon enough” James said from the darkest region
       of the room. “You packin’?”

       McDougall patted his coat pocket “Always” He took another slug of
       his beer, placed it on the coffee table, stood up and stretched.
       “I’m getting too old for this s**t”

       “That's BS and you know it” James said “you do this every time.”
       He leaned forward into the pale glow of the street light. The scar
       on his forehead showed darker then the rest of his ruggedly
       handsome face. “I’m the one who should be thinking about quitting.
       Last time I nearly died!”

       McDougall spit out a short bark of laughter. “ You got careless
       and you got a wee booboo on yer head.” He shook his head ”almost
       died my a*s!”

       “Well, it hurt a lot...and it bled a lot.  13 stitches! I thought
       I was going to kick it for sure. That nurse sure was cute though”
       He stood up and peered out the window silent and lost in
       thought.“Funny that there is still power across the street”

       “Funny strange? Or funny ha ha?”

       “Just sayin’” he made his way to the fridge and got them both a
       beer. “ just seems strange that this side of the street has no
       power” He handed McDougall a fresh beer.

       “Just the way the grid goes I guess” He twisted the top off his
       bottle."Sucks that it happened while I was playing my ACDC cd,but I
       don’t think it’s any kind of nefarious plot against us”

       “I wouldn't put it past them. They probably have someone on the
       inside of the power company. Probably hates ACDC”

       McDougall rolled his eyes in the darkness “Everything is a
       conspiracy to you isn’t it?”

       “ I calls ‘em like I sees ’em.” James said “A little paranoia goes
       a long way in my universe”

       “ I can go get the tinfoil if you need a new hat”

       James said nothing, lost in thought. After a minute of silence he
       said “What was the name of that woman that almost took you out
       last time?”

       “Gretchen” McDougall said

       “ Yeah, the fiery redhead. She was good! almost handed you yer
       a*s”

       “That she did. Feel bad for having to put her down.”

       “It was you or her dude, you or her”

       McDougall sighed. “ I told you I’m getting too old for this s**t.
       I’m starting to feel sorry for my adversaries, and that is going
       to create a distraction”

       “ You gotta get back in the zone man! We are going to see action
       in a bit and I need you sharp and focused!”

       “You’re right” he said standing up and rolling his shoulders. His
       face tightened and a fierce look claimed his eyes. “No Mercy!”

       “No mercy!” James repeated toasting with his beer.


       A rumbling sound approached the house.

       “That's them” James said ”You ready?

       McDougall patted his pocket again “Lets do this”

       James opened the door just as an aging school bus pulled up,
       brakes squealing. The could feel the uncomfortable  gaze of dozens
       of people on them as they approached the bus. The door of the bus
       squeaked open and the interior lights flickered on.

       They found themselves facing a small portly man with a sour
       looking face, wearing a hat in the shape of a duck decoy on his
       head. He was holding on to the wheel and gave them a glum look.

       “Welcome to “Lucky Ducky’s” annual pub crawl and Dart tournament”
       he recited in a bored voice “ Help yourself to a free hat” He
       pointed to the box beside him.

       Both of them grabbed a hat and donned it.They stood at the front
       of the bus. Dozens of faces stared at them, all wearing duck
       decoys on their heads.

       The silence was suddenly ended by the sound of someone softly
       chanting “McDougall! McDougall!” it spread through the bus until
       everyone was calling McDougall's name.

       He walked towards the back of the bus as they chanted, fist
       bumping and high fiving as he went, James behind him shaking hands
       and hugging old  acquaintances.

       They were about three quarters to the back of the bus, when
       someone stood up, blocking the aisle. The bus suddenly went
       silent. A small woman with fiery red hair stood there, green eyes
       sparkling with mischief.

       “McDougall” she said

       “Gretchen” he returned, “Lovely to see you...you packin”?

       “Always”she said patting her coat pocket.

       “You think you can take me this time?”

       “ I’ve been practicing all year just for this day” She turned and
       looked at James. “Well it it isn’t “Crazy Legs” Malone!. Planning
       on some table dancing with your pants down again this year?”

       James blushed and touched the scar on his forehead “Naw...I think
       I’ve learned my lesson. Though thanks for asking!”

       She turned back to McDougall. “ Your hat’s on wrong” she said.
       Reaching up, she took his hat and turned it around So that the
       ducks head was at the back. “ That's much better Asshat.”

       The silence was almost deafening. McDougall suddenly grinned.
       “Damn I missed you!” he said and hugged her, she hugged him back
       smiling. “ I missed you too you big palooka!”

       The bus erupted into cheers.

       Larry, the bus driver, watched all this via the rear view mirror,
       waiting for them to take a seat. when they did he started to pull
       away from the curb as he let out a heavy sigh.” I gotta get a new
       job”

       The bus pulled off into the night and disappeared down the road.
       There was silence for a few seconds. Somewhere a dog barked.  The
       lights on McDougalls' side of the street flickered on as the power
       was restored.
       The sound of ACDC at full blast started to set off
       car alarms.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Good storytelling, with good use of dialogue to show character development & storyline. Your characters really come alive, for such a short piece, which is a good length for the short attention spans of online readers. The plot is well-developed & the ending twist is surprising (I was sure "you packin'?" meant packin' heat, but the ending wasn't what we were led to expect -- good job on that!) Your style is casual & not overly meticulous, but it works becuz your thought processes & word choices are vivid. Fondly, Margie

[Misterr Remeat]

WOW! high praise indeed! Thanks! More to come (when I get time to write) Cheers!

[Norbanus]

McDougall and his closest friend
had plans that could bring to an end
All asshat decisions
and Gretchen's incisions
leaves only the Duck to defend

[Misterr Remeat]

HA HA! That's awesome! Thanks!