but do you know what happened in january?

it's nights like these that i miss you,
i miss you more than i've missed anyone.
against all odds and against what fate had in store,
you walked into my life and flipped around my insides.
[at least that's what it feels like when i hear your name.]

it's nights like these that i love you,
i love you more than i ever, ever should.
against my own good sense and against your wishes,
i will carry a piece of you with me, tangled in my insides.
[at least that's what it feels like when i see your face.]

you're the only one i can converse with in other's words,
words like, "if i could i would shrink myself and sink
through your skin to your blood cells and remove
whatever makes you hurt but i am too weak
to be your cure."

words like, "you are the smell before rain.
you are the blood in my veins.
call me a safe bet. i'm betting i'm not.
i'm glad that you can forgive. i'm only hoping....
as time goes, you can forget."

these words i could never say on my own,
so i'll rip my heart out and hand it over,
on a silver platter ringed with dandelions,
still pumping, beating, strong as can be.

and i might be nothing you want anymore,
and that's okay, because i don't want me either.
i'll find someone, someday, but they won't be you.
this is everything i never had the heart to say.

because it wouldn't have changed anything,
it was always the wrong situation, the wrong time,
the wrong girl. always.

but i loved you, i loved you.
i could never bring myself to hurt you,
but what's done is done and i can't take it back.
and i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, and this is everything,
everything i've held inside, wrapped up.

i've always had the worst timing.
i'm constantly a walking catastrophe.
but i'd clean up my act for you,
and it'd feel good doing it.

when i cross that carolina line next weekend,
don't waste another thought on me.
i won't be back, we can pretend it never happened.
need you like water in my lungs, but this is the end.

Author's Note

i fell, and i fell hard, and i kept falling, and we both knew i wasn't slowing down.
quotes: 1] "guernica" by brand new. 2] "the boy who blocked his own shot" by brand new.
the last line also belongs to brand new, "play crack the sky".