Nineteen

From my seat on the floor I watched Dave's fingers as they clutched and unclutched his hat.  Again he cleared his throat and shifted his feet.  I stood up.  If this was bad news I wanted to be standing up for it, but my body rebelled, the room spun, and I could feel myself falling towards the floor.  

Giving a disgusted groan I attempted to break my fall with my hands, but still managed to hit my head on something.

"Oh great!  I'm going to have knots on my knots."

Dave reached a hesitant hand out to me.  As he pulled me to my feet I searched his face trying to see what was causing his distress.  He avoided any attempt I made at making eye contact.  This was bad.  Whatever had him back here with the boys was bad news and I wasn't sure I was ready for it.

I accepted the chair he pulled out for me and sat in a worried daze as he examined the knot on my head.  His fingers were gentle, but I still winced and his fingers came away tinged with blood.  He left the room without a word.  Still in a daze I wondered where he was going, then I heard water running in the bathroom.  When he returned he was carrying a wet cloth and a box of band-aids.  

The cold cloth on my head brought me back to the present.  I could feel Dave's fingers tremble slightly as he cleaned away the blood and applied a band-aid.  I opened my eyes and found myself staring directly into his.  He spoke.  The words seemed to stumble over each other on the way out.

"The boys can't stay with my parents, their health is failing.  Don't know what to do.  Can't leave them with strangers, they need a mom.  They need you.  Marry me."  As he said the last part, more a statement then a question, he turned away from me to look out a window.

"What?"  I wasn't sure I heard that last part right.

"Marry me?" this time is was uncertain and questioning.  He turned to face me.  The mask that concealed him was gone and in his face I saw desperation, fear, hope and something else that I couldn't identify.  

Unable to find my voice, I met his eyes and nodded.  From the back corner of the room I thought I heard Julie snort back a laugh.  Yeah that would be her.  She would indeed find this funny.

With caution he spoke again, "You are sure?  You can do this for the boys, for me?  There was a wistfulness in his voice.

I again met his eyes and nodded.  "Yes."  

Dave's smile was one of relief, but he still looked scared.  What did he have to be scared of I wondered.  Then the enormity of what I'd just agreed to hit me and what I felt was pure terror.  I met his eyes again and saw my terror reflected there and smiled.  Well it wasn't the proposal I'd always dreamed of, but at least we had terror in common.