Second Chances Three

I woke to the smell of coffee. The early morning sun weakly peeked into the room turning the inside of my eyelids pink. The boys were giggling in another part of the house and for a moment all was well.

Then I opened my eyes. The bed I lay on wasn't my bed, the room I was in wasn't my room. With sudden anguished clarity I remembered. I just wanted to close my eyes, never to open them again. Maybe if I could do that this nightmare would go away.

It was the squeals that brought me out of bed. Not scared squeal, but happy ones. Squeals and the sound of many running feet slipping and sliding down the hall to the bedroom door.

My feet hit the cold floor just as a warm body collided with them. Completely unbalanced I felt my knees give way and sat heavily on the floor. The whirlwind of motion that surrounded me left me gasping for breath. It was the wetness that covered my face, making me cringe, followed by bounding little boys flying across the floor in bare feet and landing in my lap that brought me fully awake.

Hardly daring to breath I opened my eyes. Something big and black was so close that I couldn't focus on it to see what it was. Startled I tried to pull back, but not quickly enough. A long red tongue wiped drool across my cheek and down my chin.

With my back against the side of the bed I was unable to get the big lout off of me. The boys were gleeful and their shrill voices just seemed to excite the beast that much more. When disembodied hands reached to pull the dog off I was more then thankful.

“Down boy. Calm down.”

I looked up to see Matthew's laughing, but apologetic face standing over me. One hand on the dogs collar. When he offered his hand I took it and struggled to my feet.

Squealing the boys took off out the door and down the hallway. The dog, suddenly frantic, yanked free from the restraining hand and took off following them. Hind feet churning on the slick floor, it slide sideways out into the hall, then hit the wall. Seeming to be completely ignorant to collision it soon regained it's footing and took off down the hall after the boys.

With the slamming of a screen door the noise diminished. Only faintly could I hear the barking dog and laughing boys. Shaking my head I smiled at their enthusiasm and energy.

“I'm sorry Dave. I don't know what's come over him.”

“It's alright. Those boys have been begging for a dog since before . . . before Julie got sick. We had planned to get them one, but after the illness it just didn't seem like a good time for one.”

Matthew gave me a sheepish grin. “He definitely likes them. There's still a lot of puppy in him, but I didn't know just how much puppy. Those three have been tearing around the house all morning. Susan had to chase them out of the living room to keep them from waking William, and Grandmother shooed them from the kitchen too. Grandfather said he would take them out on the porch just before the burst in here like that.” He turned to leave the room, then turned back, “ The coffee is ready when you are.”

Looking around the room I noticed a suitcase that Julie packed while she was still able to move around some. I remembered asking her about it and she had told me that she was packing some of her clothes to give to Susan. I walked over to the bag and saw that it contained clothes for me and the boys.

The painful catch in my chest made my knees buckle. With sudden clarity I realized that she had been planning on this day for over a year. This realization made me sit down and the bedsprings groaned under my unexpected weight.

“How could you? How could you plan so far ahead ? Once again I heard her sweet voice.

“I will aways take care of you.”

She had whispered those words on our honey moon. Her beauty that night, standing by the window and illuminated only by the light of the full moon had moved me.

I had forgotten that sweet promise over the years, but now, thinking back, I could remember so many times when she knew what I would need before I did and made sure that it was there for me when I needed it.

A wave of grief hit me, drowning me in a new flood of emotions. I lost track of passing time, but eventually the brightness of the sun light the room and I woke again from this waking nightmare.

Sighing in resolution I reached for the clothes she had packed for me. Feeling her hands caressing my body as I slid them on. The loneliness that followed was surely more then I could bare.

When I reached back in the bag for socks a note fell into the floor.

Reaching to pick it up the soft sent of roses assailed my senses. With hunger and dread I unfolded it.

“My dearest darling.

I love you and always will. But you must continue. Raise our boys to be strong, kind and gentle men. Remember your promise to me. Susan can love our boys as her own. I'm asking you now to honor that promise. I know you think you can never love her, but you can. For the sake of the boys you must. They will need a mom and you will need a wife. I know it seems like I'm asking you for a marriage of convenience, but I'm not. I know what I see and I have faith in you. I have treasured my time with you. Ever minute, good and bad, was dear to me and I can go peacefully knowing that you will be cared for after I'm gone.

I love you dearest

always

your Juliet”

Muffling a sob, I folded the letter and put it in my billfold behind her picture. Then, in a daze, pulled on my socks, and after a brief struggle got my shoes on the correct feet. Reaching deep inside I searched for the strength to to stand, then slowly and with great weight, walked out to face the world.

Psalm 34:18     When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.

Reviews

[A.Lee]

Aww. How thoughtful. Even when faced with death, she's planned and tried to make sure that her husband and children would be taken care of no matter what. How sad and sweet. Beautiful... I love this.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. Those old promise must be kept. The story is kind and gentle. To lose people we need and depend in a life. Leave a wound never to be heal. But we must remember the good times to keep us alive and well for the one's who need us. A excellent story. Thank you.
Coyote