Lost Innocence

Tragic circumstances faced by young child..... Unfortunately very common.

If only I knew that feeling of bliss, Of being tucked in every night, with a kiss. My tummy and also my heart feeling full Can you and my daddy make that possible... Tomorrow, I promise I'll try to be good, So I won't get punished, I know that I could. And I'll try not to cry, and I'll try to be strong, Even when Daddy does things that are wrong. But I guess I deserve it, I must be so bad, For making my mommy and daddy so mad, That they have to go out and leave me alone, I am so hungry, wish grandma could phone. Be brave little girl, I wish grandma could say, I'll be there to come and get you some day. And I'll buy you new shoes, and a brand new pink dress, That will make you look like a little Princess. But I know Grandma's gone, and she's not coming back. Why do they die, God, what is a heart attack? Tonight I'll kneel by my bed and I'll pray, That "the lady" won't come and take me away. Mommy, I love you, and I love daddy too. I know you can't help all the things that you do..........Barbz

Reviews

[Rahul Chhabra]

The poem is actually beautiful. It could be improved with the right formatting. The words do resonate within me. It reminds me of my honest childhood.
That is, exactly true mark of a great writer. The one who can write what all feel is the supreme goal of the entire literature.
Good luck. Happy writing. :)

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

My heart really went out after reading this, thanks for sharing such a beautiful poem with an perfect title. Wishing blessings for you!

[Eagle Cruagh]

I guess this is how a young child looks at their crumbling world.
It is probably more how a full grown person will rationalize the
essence of a neglected child.
The writer has done a fine job.
---- Eagle Cruagh

[Gee]

So sad,but all to common,very well put across Barbz

[Lady Lola]

This is such a sad subject matter, yet so beautifully written.
It's tragic how children always blame themselves for their parents' mistakes. All children want is to be loved and protected.

[Ben Noah Suri]

Nice..... I really was touched by this.. The innocence of little children and their fears as well as suffering neatly portrayed.

[Marie]

This is very sad. Poor child. Not understanding whi her world has crumbled around her... praying and promising to be good...

[Kelsey Schadt]

The sadness of this situation resonates with me. I love the voice you create, it truly sounds like a child praying to god. I would break this into lines and stanzas to increase readability. Also I don't think the ellipses are as effective as a good old period. I'll be thinking of this poem for quite sometime--it has that quality.

[Loubelle]

Love the rhythm and the rhyme...written from a child's perspective with that scared little girl's voice. Agree with Rahul that putting it in a stanza format would help the reader pick up on the rhyming pattern and the rhythm of the words right away. Kids always put the blame on themselves when a marriage/relationship falls apart. Good observation of that in your writing.

[SSAgnihotri]

To be honest , your poem was a touching one . I was just able to imagine what's being read on.
Awaited for your reviews , SSA .

[emmajoy]

Your words are beautifully sad - touched me deeply, will remain a while - or longer.

The way in which you've worded the little girl's feelings are incredibly real.. the sense of adopted blame, the terror, the alone-ness.. the giving heart.. all of it, so very real. What you've done is to write as if just happening, haphazardly, not neatly structured yet with a soft style.

Read a second time.. if true or not, is fine writing.. sincerely put.