The Dinosaur Traveler

My friend Kayla wanted me to write her this story. She's the main character, and her personality is reflected in the story.

The glare of the sun coming off the metal was so strong, Kayla had to shield her eyes. She'd been peacefully reading in her living room when the thing crashed down in her backyard. It was a warm spring day at the end of an otherwise uneventful week.

The thing was a giant metal box, with a little screen above a door. Kayla walked closer. The writing on the screen was readable now. “Destination 2011,” Kayla read. “Wait, what? Is this…no, it can’t be.” There wasn’t a time machine in her backyard, was there? Kayla took another step towards it, and the

door opened automatically. Startled, she jumped back. “Oh, it’s just opening!” she laughed. “I might as well go in!” She walked in, and gasped.

The walls were lined with photos and postcards, all with a place and date written on them. “Toronto 1996,” one read. Ok, normal enough, 1996 happened already. Kayla looked at the next one. “Budapest 2001.” The picture was so pretty! She gazed at the postcard for a while, and then glanced over. On the wall, up and to the right, there was a strange picture. It looked like a modern recreation of ancient Rome. The buildings were stone, but there were neon signs like Las Vegas! In the top left corner of the photo, Kayla saw small white writing. She stepped closer to read it. “New Rome 2040,” she read aloud. “What! That can’t…it isn’t….what!” Kayla was so confused! “I should look at all the other ones, maybe this really is a time machine!” walking across the small room, Kayla read a row of postcards stuck to that wall. “London 1914, Chicago 1861, Paris 2031, Barcelona 3005, Mesopotamia 3000 BC,” she read. “3000 BC! How, what? Is this really happening?” Kayla smiled and laughed to herself. “In that case, I’m going on an adventure!”

There was a panel of buttons to her right, and Kayla stood contemplating them for a few minutes. “Maybe I’ll just start with the beginning,” she murmured, and pushed the first button, a purple one labeled “Begin Journey.” Kayla was pushed back and stumbled as the machine lurched upwards. It began turning slowly, and suddenly there was a flash of soft purple. Kayla closed her yes. She kept them closed until she felt the machine stop spinning. The floor suddenly dropped as the machine crashed down. “Ouch!” Kayla shouted. “What the hell is happening?” she was confused, and then laughed when she realized she was asking the machine a question. Kayla was in a good mood, and this adventure was turning out to be very entertaining.

Suddenly the door opened. The cloud of dust that had risen around the time machine was settling. Kayla heard distant running footsteps. “Whoa, what is that? It sounds like a sprinting elephant or something!” she walked out of the time machine. A loud screech caused her to look up, where she saw what looked like a giant, brown-orange bat! The wingspan looked at least twelve feet wide, and it was flying downward. Kayla watched as the dragon-like creature descended. It flew gracefully, and landed with a small cloud of stirred up dust.

Then Kayla realized something. The creature had landed about 20 yards away from her, and now it was turning in her direction. It’s eyes were the darkest black possible, and piercingly sharp. The creature began walking slowly forward. Kayla froze. What should I do? She screamed in her head. She held her hands out in front of her. “Nice dinosaur, nice dinosaur,” she said shakily, taking slow steps back. The dinosaur was still walking towards her. As she finally reached the time machine, the creature stopped. But when Kayla took a step sideways to get to the door of the machine, the dinosaur screeched and charged. Kayla screamed and dove into the open door. Immediately after she entered the time machine, the door shut. A few seconds later, there was a loud thud and the time machine shook as the dinosaur ran into it. Kayla stumbled backwards and fell, but the time machine didn’t tip over. “That’s it, no more bad dinosaur!” Kayla announced to the time machine. There was a button labeled “next” and she pushed it hard. As the time machine started to spin, Kayla sat slumped against the wall, breathing hard. Now that the adrenaline rush was going down, she had time to think about what had just happened.

Author's Note

This was prompted by a conversation I had with my friend last night. I promised her I'd write the story, and this is the beginning. She wants to go to Colonial Times next, so that will have to be one of the next few buttons she presses.
I should add, this is a very rough draft. I'm still working on it. Right now there's not really any plot or anything, and the details are vague at best. I'm going to continue to update this as I write more and edit a lot.
Thanks for the reviews and advice!

Reviews

[Veronica Chandler]

What a great little story; I am wondering, intrigued and would enjoy more. I loved the idea that you just have to push the start button. I imagine everybody goes to the first place and gets to see the same creature which tries over and over to capture that "darn shinny thing" every time it shows up. Great read!

[Jenni-Chan]

i was gonna say. you better write more. you can't leave me hanging like that.

[rae52]

great i can definatly imagine doing that i know it makes me look dumb but life is way to boring one line i would change is
Kayla smiled and laughed to herself. “In that case, I’m going on an adventure!”
i just fin lines like that so so annoying otherwise great

[WatashLegend]

A delightful treat to read!! Nicely done.

[Lizy Coale]

(: i like it! and im not sure if this is formatting issues or not, but speech is supposed to be on a new paragraph. also there wasn't really any hook; it seems a little generic to me i guess. like 'cool, some girl went back in time... how many other books already have that?' it also seemed a little strange that she just went straight into the time machine without any sense of caution; is that the personality trait you were trying to display? because when i read it, kayla seemed like a generic dumb blonde and i don't really want to read a whole book about that, either. : / sorry this sounds really harsh lol, contructive critisism (: it's good! (your writing)

[Lourisa]

A fun little story :)

[Dark Angel ~]

Hahaha, this reminded me almost of a children's book- in a good way. The story was very entertaining, and very welcome to me after reading college level books for my language arts class, lol. :D

[Rachael]

Okay, first off does Kayla really talk to herself that much? Is it necessary to have her talk to herself this much? Is there any other way you could the emotions in her head across?

Also why is a unmanned time travelling device in her backyard? Is that something we find out later? Is there any foreshadowing you could do right now to lead the reader in that direction?

Kayla comes off as being about 7 years old to me as I can't imagine an older woman acting this....silly. I mean realistically that is. But her dialogue is really confusing like she even swears at one point making me think she's more like 14 but then later says "bad dinosaur" which makes me think she's even less than 7, more like 4. Especially because it is a FREAKING DINOSAUR and yet she seems hardly phased by it. (Which would make a lot more sense if you were a tiny four-year-old who barely grasped basic concepts.)

I think it could be a really cute story, especially if Kayla is really young and kind of oblivious to the danger she's in.

Also, just be sure to take your time describing things. I can barely picture the dinosaur. I began picturing a pterodactyl-esque creature but then you said it walked slowly towards her and then charged. I can not picture a pterodactyl being very good at charging, I mean it's back legs are extremely tiny and attached by big sheets to the front ones. Why would it even bother walking at all if it has wings? Why wouldn't it just use it's wings and fly towards Kayla?

Keep practising!

[Kiari Sabon]

nice story

[Ariel B.]

This is really fun. I'd love to find out what happens next... The descriptions are nicely vivid, and I'm so amused by how she talks to the dinosaur.