Alive for Me

This is a song, written for a girl I love, and am trying so desperately to save.

I’ve got your picture in my pocket

And your silver heart around my neck

I’m looking for a miracle but I haven’t found it yet

Your left hand holds a bottle

And there’s a knife in your right

Your green eyes come alive

As the demonic blade bites

 

Angel, please don’t fall

I know you can pull through

Just close your eyes and breathe

Don’t end your life too soon

 

I’m watching from so far away

Only hearing your voice through the phone

I want you to come with me

But I’m always alone

Baby you’re about to crash and burn

I’ve told you how much I love you

But will you ever learn?

 

Angel, please don’t fall

I need you to pull through

Just close your eyes and breathe

Don’t end your life too soon

 

I’m fighting against the crowd to reach you

But you’re a dancer on the distant stage

And in the story of my life

Someone’s torn out that page

The background music has no melody

It’s just raw distortion and sound

Now the audience is revolting

And I’ve been thrown on the ground

Reviews

[Jenni-Chan]

so sad!!

[TJ]

This is such a tragic piece and if this isn't a personal story it sure seems like one because of the emtion thats involved in these. It's so sad to see someone you care for throwing their life away.
If there's music fro this sone please send it to me in a message, it reads with a good rhythm and i'd like to hear the melody

[Tory]

hmm...sounds good to me! :)

[Dark Angel ~]

Oh! So beautiful. :)
If this doesn't save that lucky, lucky girl... well...

[NinjaPi]

There is this thing in graphic design (and other visual arts too) where you repeat the same thing over and ove but somewhere you intentionally change something. Your poem reminds me of this. Its farly semetrical in form but the words and the images are different form stanza to stanza. It has this order and specificity that is very mature and evolved. Wonderful poem.

[sarah]

very nice great job

[Spiderbyte]

Very nice! I was hooked on the first stanza. I think the rhythm might be a little off in the last stanza compared to the others, but overall this is really well-written.

[harley]

i can totally relate to this poem espiecally where it says 'his green eyes came alive' since i have a friend with the most gorgeous green eyes. u c he drinks and has attempted suicide b4 multiple times. i havent seen him in about a year now so this was very moving for me to read. and of course i loved it. more writing like this soon plz.

[Veronica Chandler]

The desperation in this piece is palpable and I know the feeling all too well of trying to save a life hell bent on self destruction. My only question is in the line, "I know you will can through" Did you mean come through here? Other than that this is a very nice piece which flows nicely and the line, "But you're a dancer on the distant stage and in the story of my life someone's torn out that page" struck me with force and a sort of compassion which defies description. Very well done and seems straight from the heart.