The Angel's Lullaby

Written May 2010 for my girlfriend

Sing me a lullaby this night

As I lay in your warmth.
Can you see the love in my eyes tonight?
I can feel yours,
Heard it in the sighs you breathed,
Felt it in your hands, your teeth.
I tried to give you all of mine.
If we only had more time,
I could have been better
I could have loved stronger.

I wasted some time;
I had to stare at how beautiful
Your body shined
Under the white icicle lights.
The paleness of the contrast
With the dark blanket below
And the walls beyond
Can’t hold us back
And at the same time they protect us.

Your room became 
One safe place for us,
For me to love you relentlessly.
No secrets have to be hidden there.
Let me look into your eyes,
Teach me how to read your mind,
I’ll give you everything you need,
All you need to do is breathe,
Breathe your pleasure into me;
All we need to do is dream.

Author's Note

Any help or advice with the last stanza would be appreciated.

Reviews

[MLMFMD]

I think that this poem is very beautiful..it makes my heart flutter.

[MLMFMD]

I think that instead of saying your room became one safe place for us you shoud say.."Your heart became one safe place for me."
I figure that maybe you wrote this about a past relationship and how much they meant to you so if you say there heart was a safe place for you to not scared or afraid or doubtful of that person...Hope i helped a little.

[TheElfPrincess]

This is a very beautiful piece of writing. You truly captured the emotion and made it flow.

[I Am Svetlana]

In my eyes, this is how I would word the last stanza:

"Your room became
A safe place for us,
For me to love you relentlessly.
There, no secrets have to be hidden."

And you can keep the rest as it is.

[Dark Angel ~]

Beautiful ^^ very sweet.
I dont think the last stanza needs any adjusting... But I've never been much of a poet.

[Cassandra D.]

I think this was very beautiful. I think you should leave the last stanza the way it is.