Blurry With A Bright Shade of Red

A gentle whisper in the rain tells me of a story.  So long ago, it seems never to have happened.  But the faint memory of what was still lingers like a distant dream.

 

The water that was falling formed a gentle mist around the old brick buildings that lined Main Street.  We were the only ones on the street, because of the late hour and weather.  It was, to say the least, romantic.

 

She slipped in the puddle, that was all, right?  It was just the wet pavement under her heeled boots, wasn't it? 

 

Her breath was coming up short, gasping for something invisible.  My heart kicked into ultra-speed mode.  What was wrong?

 

I screamed for help, begging someone to aid me.  I needed her, I needed them.

 

Her hands were growing cold, her face turning blue.  Why wasn't she breathing?

 

She was so light in my arms, as I lifted her with ease from the sidewalk.  Her hair was wet, her shirt sticking to her skin from the rain.

 

And still she couldn't breathe.

 

I do not know how long I carried her, nor how far.  My arms grew weak and my feet were tired.  She could not breathe.  I continued on.

 

I never understood what happened.  I never knew why.  The doctors tried to explain, but God himself could not tell me why he had taken her from me.

 

The rain hits against my windowpain.  Our windowpane.  The memory that seems so faint, and still so vivid.  Blurry with a bright shade of red, I should say.  And still, I miss her.

 

Her gasping breaths echo in my ears.  My love, I tried my hardest.

Reviews

[Ryan McAuley]

Absolutely enthralling.
This is a great piece that says so much with saying very little. I must admit I am someone who judges books by their covers, and before I read a story I skim it and look at the whole thing before I look at the words, and the lack of "paragraphs" made me cringe... and then I read it.

As breath taking as whatever it was that ailed the narrator's companion.

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

This is a very intresting piece....I don't know what I made of it all but it was fasinating. A great write!

[Leah Maldonado]

this is truely .....amazing. to say te least. Its a simple but yet, your words create a vivid image in te mind's eye. Te start was great and strong, and ten it took a turn, I tought you were going to describe a romantic night out, but yout turned it. And ten she wasn't breating anymore...and I stopped breating too...this actually made me tear up a bit....
"Her gasping breaths echo in my ears. My love, I tried my hardest."
^^^VERY good ending line.

I do not think you need to go futer with this story, althoug I do think you could go to a new media with it. I tink it would be a great script for a short film... you could have a narrater reading this and short shots of you together...inching along as your short story progresses....shorter shots as her breath turns to gasps and almost flashes of her dying in your arms....the ending shot would be long....maybe a pan out from your faces together and up into the rain....

just an idea....very nice piece.
Leah