We Are Broken

Tyler finds out about Rowan's secret. Her secret would surely make him sad.

Someone like You

Chapter 1 �" We Are Broken

 (Rowan's POV)

There were only few people who luckily found their true love and had their own happily ever after. I wish I was one of those people. Since I was a kid, I'd dreamed of having my own prince charming, we would fall in love and we would have a happy family. I'd watch my kids grow as I grow older. I'd be there when they get married and when they have their own children. When I am really old to do things, I'd just lay on bed with my husband. We'd talk about the wonderful life that we had together, and would die happily in each other's arms.

But looks like, it would never happen to me. It's just so complicated and impossible.

I'm Rowan Miller. I'm the wife of a successful doctor, Tyler Miller.

We were married when we were twenty-three. Our great-grandparents had an agreement between our families. They had agreed that whoever would be the first child of Tyler’s and my parents would be arranged into a marriage. And it happened to be that I was the only child and I'm a girl, and Tyler was the only son of Robert and Yvonne even though he was the second child. So it was automatic that we're engaged.

We never knew of the agreement until we were eighteen. Our parents had decided to tell us all about the agreement so we could be prepared on whatever would be happening in our future. We both didn't want to be married to each other because we have no feelings for each other. I even thought of running away from my parents at that time, but I knew that they could find me anywhere due to my father's connections.

I'd tried to explain to my mother and father that I will not be happy in a loveless marriage, but they didn't listen. They told me that Tyler is perfect for me and they could not picture anybody with me in the future except for him. And that they could not break their promise with our great-grandparents, because it's a sign of respect for them. Yes, our families respect our elders so much.

The Millers and the Greenes were always so close. Melissa, Tyler’s youngest sister, was my best friend since I could remember. We were inseparable and we're like sisters. Even though we're opposites, we could still understand each other and we enjoy doing things together. Corrine, Tyler's older sister was my second best friend. She was four years older than us and she was a model. She was really so pretty and smart. Many boys were after her, but only one boy caught her attention, which is James, her fiancé. James was a really nice guy, and he's like a big brother to me.

Yvonne and Robert were like my second parents. When I was younger, I used to stay with them when my parents were out of the country for business trips. They treated me nicely and as their own daughter. Before, I was so confused on why Yvonne was so fond of me, and then I knew about the arrangement. She's so fond of me because I was her future daughter-in-law.

Tyler and I were never close. Even when we were younger, he never played with me. We barely talk and stay together because I got bored with him. If I would not initiate a conversation, he wouldn't talk. All he does was read and read. Reading is good, but too much is really annoying.

So, we've been married in exactly four years today. Yes, today was our wedding anniversary. We never celebrated our wedding anniversaries. For him, it was just an ordinary busy day, but for me, it's a very special occasion.

In the four years that we lived together in the same house, I learned to somehow love him. It was just last year when I realized that I have feelings for him. At first I thought that it was only a crush. I mean, Tyler was really gorgeous. He's tall; he has snow white skin, tousled velvet hair, dazzling emerald orbs and an angelic face. Sometimes, I couldn’t help but feel lucky that I am his wife. You know, so many girls were after him, but he was already married to me, so they were no match. I learned that he was just as kind and compassionate as his father. He treats people with respect and he's such a gentle man.

Too bad that he can't return the feelings that I have for him. Anyway, we were just married because of our families, not because of love. Sometimes, I can't help to imagine what it would be like if he does love me. How would it feel to be loved by him, to be appreciated, to be cherished...?

We have no kids. How could we have when we even barely touch each other? The only times that we kissed were during our wedding and in a dare during Melissa's birthday. Whenever that we are visiting our parents, they would be bugging us that they want grandchildren already, every after those conversations, things would become awkward between Tyler and I.

We talk, but it's just about our day, nothing more. We never talked on what we want to do in the future, just like the normal married couples do.

I paint everything that I want to happen in our life in the future. All the things that I want to do and have. I'd painted a picture of me and him with a young boy in our house. The boy has his eyes and hair. He looks just as handsome as he was. I'd really wanted to have a baby boy since I was little. But the painting would just be a painting forever. It would be impossible for that to happen. It's just my wishful thinking.

Tonight, Tyler will be coming home early. I knew that through his secretary.

I'll be cooking his favorite homemade pizza and lasagna. Those would just be my little gifts for him for our anniversary. He might not even remember it, but I want to celebrate it on my own little way. I'll also be confessing my feelings for him tonight. I know it's a big risk, but at least I tried. I came to that decision, because he has been treating me differently lately. He does little things for me, like buying me my favorite treat whenever he comes home from work. Sometimes he kisses my forehead before he leaves for work. He lifts the chair for me whenever we're about to eat in the dining room, and we started to have light conversations.

I know that by confessing to him, all the improvements of our relationship might change, but I just really couldn’t take what I'm feeling. It was like seeing something that you want, but you can't have it. It’s really frustrating.

Aside from my feelings for Tyler, there's also another thing that I am keeping, and it was my illness. I've been diagnosed with stage two brain cancer last year. I was so scared that I didn't tell anyone. I thought my often headaches were just because of my migraine, I didn't know that it was something more.

I don't want everyone to be worried about me and pity me. I don't want to be treated differently because of my condition. I want to live happily during the last moments of my life. I refused any kind therapy or surgery. They warned me that it may affect my life expectancy, but I didn't listen. And I haven't visited the oncologist since I was diagnosed.

I just believe that if it's really my time to leave this world, then it's my time. I can't do anything about it. All I want now is for Tyler to love me and I would be happy to die.

I am now in the grocery to buy the ingredients for the dish that I'll be cooking tonight. I was just about to pay everything at the counter when I felt the familiar headache.

Oh no, this won't be good. I'd been having these headaches lately, and they were really worse that what I'd experienced before.

I gripped tightly on the pushcart and I closed my eyes. I keep thinking that the pain will go away, but it won't. Every second, it's just getting worse. When I opened my eyes, everything was like spinning and doubling. I could hear voices, but they were incoherent.

I wanted to ask for help, but I couldn’t speak. Nothing's coming out of my mouth.

All I could remember were people crowding me before everything went black.

.....

(Tyler’s POV)

I am on my way home, while Rowan was still in the hospital. Somebody called me and told me that she had passed out in a grocery store. I got so worried about her so I immediately went there to get her and I brought her to the hospital. I'm just getting stuffs that she might need there. Yes, she'll be staying there for a while. I know she hates hospitals, but there was no way that I'm letting her out of that place in her condition.

She didn't tell me.

She didn't tell me that she had cancer. She even asked the doctor to keep it as a secret from us. What the hell was she thinking when she kept that from us? Doctor Gomez told me that Rowan refused any kind of treatment.

Does she really want to die?

If she just underwent the surgery or the therapies, maybe she could survive the cancer. But now, it's possible that it's on its fourth stage. If it's really on its fourth stage, it would nearly be impossible to cure her and there's not much time left in her life.

Why didn't I notice that there was something wrong with her? Oh yeah, because I was too busy with work and I only spend almost five hours at home.

This was the first time that I got angry on her. She shouldn't have kept that from us. She should've told us, because we would do everything to cure her. Bella was still too young to die. She doesn’t deserve to just die like that. She deserves more, she deserves to be happy.

Maybe if I wasn't her husband, she should've had a happy life. I couldn't give her the happiness and love that she deserves. She doesn't deserve someone like me. That was the reason why I spend all day in the hospital every day. I thought that if I spent less time with her, I'll not develop any feelings for her.

But I was wrong.

No matter how much I avoided her, and stayed away from her, I still couldn't keep her off my mind. When I'm thinking of her, I almost forget all my problems, and I never got bored whenever I think of her. Even though I knew that I had feelings for her, I still kept it from her. As I said, she deserves a better man than me.

She was just perfect in every way. She's beautiful, kind, smart, and even though I am shy to admit it, she takes good care of me. Even though I go home late from work, she still cooks dinner for me. She always lectures me about working too much, that it would make me stressed and look older. She's just so amusing when she does that. She handles my things with care, and she'll not touch them without my permission.

I wonder what could've happened if we weren't arranged in a marriage. Would I still develop feelings for her? Would we still be friends? Could I get an opportunity to be with her?

Maybe yes and maybe no. Who knows?

The past was not important now, even though it hadn't been good. Bella needs to be treated as soon as possible. She needs to undergo tests first so the doctors could know what treatment or surgery should be done on her.

When I got in the house, I immediately went to our room and packed some of Rowan's clothes and her lady�"beauty products, or whatever those creams and gels were.

I was on my way out when I noticed that Bella's art room's door was open. I never had time to go in there. Melissa said that Rowan was a great artist and if she would just sell her painting she'd surely have lots of money.

I entered the room out of curiosity. I wonder what were the things that she'd painted, and if she's really good. I placed her bag outside when I entered.

When I entered the room, a painting immediately took my attention. It was our wedding picture. It was beautiful and perfectly painted.

I went towards in and I lifted it. I noticed that there was a piece of paper on the back of it. There was a message and I read it.

I painted this picture because we really look like a happy couple on it. Oh, how I wish we really were.

Tyler and I have been married for a year now.

Is it normal for couples to treat each other like strangers? Why does he always ignore me? I didn't do anything bad to him. Why does he always treat me as if I'm invisible? Won't he like to try to have a normal relationship? Maybe we could make it work…

I haven't thought that she thought of that thing.

I looked at her other paintings. They all have notes on the back and they were mostly about me.

There's a painting of me and a pregnant Rowan. We had beautiful smiles on our faces and it was like we were so in love. I read the note at the back.

I always wanted to have a baby with Tyler. I want it to be a boy. I'm sure he would look a lot like Tyler; he would be just as handsome as his father. But I know this painting would forever just be a painting...

Today was the day when I realized that I love Tyler with all of my heart. I had thought of what I am feeling for so long and I always end up on 'maybe I'm in love with him.' It's just today that I'd accepted that I really had feelings for him. Even though I know that he don't have feelings for me, I don't care. I’d love him and I'd show it to him in every little way that I could. And maybe someday when I have enough courage, I'd say it to him.

She loves me? She really loves me?

I want to be happy, but I couldn't. If I just knew it, I should’ve told her that I love her too. We should've had enough time together. Not like now that we almost barely had time to be together. We were both in love with each other, but we never had the courage to confess it. We're such cowards. Now too much time was wasted and there's barely time left. Why was fate too cruel to us?

I wanted to leave as soon as possible, but another painting took my attention.

It was an old couple who were lying on a bed. It took me ten seconds before I realized that they were in our room and on our bed. Even though they were already gray, you could still see love and adoration on their faces. The man had my green eyes and the old lady had Rowan's beautiful sapphire eyes. I turned the painting and I read the note on the back.

Today the doctors told me that I have a brain cancer. I am really scared. I don't want to die yet, and I still have so many things that I’d like to do in my life.

I have decided that I would just keep it to myself. I don't want to be a burden to my family. They were happy, and I don't want to be the cause of their sadness. I don't want them to treat me like I'd break at any time. I want to have a normal life as possible.

So, I painted this painting because this was how I wanted to die. I want to die in the arms of the man that I love, not on a hospital bed. Before I die, I want to talk about the happy experiences together. We would cry not because we're about to die, but because we would be happy and peaceful when we die. We would laugh and celebrate because we had a beautiful lifetime together.

After reading, I carefully placed back the painting on its place. I didn't even bother to wipe the tears that had fallen on my cheeks. I grabbed Rowan's bag and I immediately went to my car. I drove past the speed limit. I need to go to her now. I really need to tell her that I love her. I would ask the doctors to cure her so that she could live longer, and I'll make sure that we would live a happy lifetime together, just like what she wants.

 

 

Author's Note

sorry for the grammar errors okay, I'm not an expert :) Tell me your thoughts! Thanks -Rain :)