The Mental Abuser

Dear Dad,

From the time Mom gave birth to us until now into adulthood you always put Brian, Scott, and me down, never supported us, told lies and mentally abused us. As I write this letter, I am sitting at home, the place where you always stomp in and start yelling in my face right away. I would enjoy if you changed your attitude towards your children so that we could finally get a father figure in our lives. I wish for you to read this letter and think hard and long about the words I say. If you would like to talk about this, please come down but we must not yell at each other. I write this letter not just for you three children but also the grandchildren that never get to see you because you seem always too busy.

You become angry at me every day and tell me to get out of your life because I will never make anything out of mine. I would like to point out that you never received a college education and refused to work when you and mom lived together. Now that you and mom are divorced you struggle by working part time and cut lawns on the side. When I ask for any money, you cannot help me because of the lack of money you bring in. Therefore, I must say that I will make something out of my life because I go to college full time and work two jobs. As far back as I can remember, you always treated Mom poorly. In 2009, she got diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent surgery. Whenever I talk to you about it, you tell me that she is dying and will not live much longer. I wish that you would not scare me like that because cancer cannot be talked about as a funny subject, and it hurts me that you say those things after all of the things she helped to support you with. You threaten me and tell me that you are going to slap me if I don't straighten up. I would like to ask why you feel the need to turn to physical abuse if you must. I already started cutting myself again because of you, and I would not like to know what it would feel like if you ended up hitting me one day. I know that you must get diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, but you never will go in because you deny everything.

Mom always supported me, but you took the credit. She went to every event that I participated in, helped me with plenty of school projects and helped me out with money all of the time even when she could never afford it. You told everybody that you knew that she never supported me and that you always supported me with money. She went in debt because of me, something that you never would think of. Mom supported you also when you lived together. She worked two jobs just to support the family while you sat at home unwilling to interact with your children.

As a little child about five years old, Brian clogged up the toilet. He came down the stairs to tell you. You yelled at him so badly that every time after that he would never flush the toilet and he hid his waste products in the closet upstairs. Mom made this discovery three weeks after the fact, and she never found out why until Brian got older. We always felt too afraid to tell Mom anything because we knew that we must stay home with you every day while she worked to keep her family alive

Scott went out for Halloween one time, and you told him to go by himself because he would be fine. When Scott came home that night with no candy his face looked black and blue, and his body was badly bruised. You told him that he would be all right and to stop crying. He remained uncomforted until Mom came home and asked what happened. She could not believe that you would not comfort him with this.

I know that we all miss talking to you like a father figure, but we don't know what actions to take against this problem. We want to talk to you although you will not listen to the words we say. If you happen to listen, you would become defensive against yourself saying that we gang up against you. We love you Dad, but cannot help hating you at the same time. I hope you understand how our feeling can remain mixed up. Do you love us? I ask myself that question every day.

As your grandchildren Michael, Zachary and Samantha get older they will come to realize your ways. You walk into our house and the two oldest boys run to you saying, “Papa, Papa.” Right now they become excited to see you and do not realize that you want to push them away instead of playing with them. They love you and always will if you start treating them right.

The way that you treat me feels unbearable. When we go out in public you become obsessed with me, but inside you actually hate me. You only show off to all of your friends. You tear me inside out until I shatter all the way. I always cry over you, and I dislike the fact that I remain afraid of you. You are my worst problem and I don't know how to make you realize the way that you act. You obviously cannot see yourself, but others around you can, and we are all worried about you.

Can I or any of your children trust you? These things that I mention now address only a small part of the problem. This remains why we never wanted to live with you when the divorce was finalized. You treat your family horribly. You suffer with a mental illness, and Mom still stays a victim of domestic abuse. I wish that Mom would learn to move away without your knowing. All of this stress that you put on her will not help her out, and it will just break her down more so that she will become sicker and die faster. I wish for you to take into consideration about other people then yourself. Egotistic and only care about the well being of yourself describes your awful personality.

As a nineteen year old, I am finally willing to stand up to you and not back down. I will not take this criticism anymore, and I will fight for my family because they matter in my life. I want to get along with you, but every time I try, nothing works. Fighting with you every day gets my anger level up so that I go out into the world as an angry person. I would not like to be portrayed as this, and it remains not fair that many people think that have no emotion. I may act as a sarcastic, back talking child, but your influence made me that way. I know that you think of me as a mistake, but I will not let you say this. I came as an unexpected baby and the only reason that you, and Mom stayed together for longer. Did I ruin your life? I think not. If anything I should have been born to make life better.

Dad, I know that you always stay busy with something but please take time to read this and consider sitting down and talking the letter over. Think long and hard about the letter and the context hidden inside. Getting a father figure back into the live of your children would make a world of difference. We will become happier and live a life of joy not fear. If we can reduce the amount of stress in our family, then life will be better for all of us. Writing this letter felt good for me, Brian, Scott, Mom and for the futures of your grandchildren. Let us not stay a part of mental abuse any longer.

Sincerely,

Sarah Wlochal