3 am Negotiation

Attempted Flash Fiction

3am Negotiations

 

She tucked a sweaty strand of blond hair behind her ear and looked again at the couple that sat in the booth. At 3am they were the only customers.

 

Ben the short order cook was in the back ‘straightening up’. This was his way of saying he was in the dry goods storage, sitting at the prep table, with his head in his hands, grabbing a catnap.

 

Shelia took a sip of her own tepid coffee and grimaced. She detested coffee, hot or tepid but usually drank a cup to keep some pep in her step while working the night shift. She glanced again at the table and saw the circles of brown winking at her from the tops of both white coffee cups.

 

The pair was so engrossed in their own conversation that they wouldn’t have noticed her had there been a robbery in progress.

 

Shelia let her gaze linger and tried to imagine what would bring them here on a Tuesday night.

 

He was more than a little handsome and couldn’t have been more than 25, his eyes told a different story however as they held a cynicism that would have been more fitting on a 40 or 50 year old. His boots were clean and worn as were his jeans. His shirt was black, simple, cotton, and of the button up Wal-Mart 12 dollar variety. His leather coat hung nicely on his broad shoulders. The ashtray was filled with butts and he seemed to be lighting them one after the other. He held one of her hands lightly and tenderly.

 

She was at the tail end of 40 and more than likely in her 50’s although she had obviously gone to great expense and effort to fight it. Her hair was dark and kinky, her nails meticulously manicured and her makeup light and impeccable.

 

Her suit was black on black and designed by Donna Karan. Obviously custom fit the outfit accented her assets and shielded her less appealing qualities. No suit off the rack would fit a 5’ woman of about 155lbs like this one did.  Black Silk blouse, single strand of pearls, leather flats, and her comfort and casualness in the outfit proclaimed her class and familiarity with nice things.

 

  Her skin was very pale and although veins weren’t visible on her face, they were at the open neck of her blouse and her hands. They weren’t gross or unattractive just a simple blue shadowed testament to the translucent nature of her skin.

 

Shelia noticed these things as she continued with her work, stacking the salt and pepper shakers on a tray in front of her.  She carefully removed the lids from them one at a time and set them back down again. The diner was quiet enough that the dropping of the shaker lid on the Formica counter reminder her of the old ‘MCI’ can you hear a pin drop commercials.

 

The car they had arrived in was a black Mercedes and although he had been driving there was no doubt the car belonged to her.

 

She wept and he handed her a napkin from the dispenser on the table, she used it to blot at her eyes. Again they held hands for a moment, then as if a difficult choice had been settled upon, she opened her pocket book and handed him a wad of cash.

 

 Bumping the table with her leg and picking up the car keys, she left the diner and climbed into the Mercedes. The tinted glass kept secret weather or not she looked at him as she drove off.

 

A few minutes later he got up and crossed to the cash register.

 

“That will be 3.70” said Shelia, from the other side of the counter.

 

He slowly counted the money in his hand and handed her a 5 dollar bill.

 

“Thanks, Keep the Change” he said as he began to turn away.

 

“Was everything Ok?” asked the waitress.

 

Then he paused and looked Shelia in the eye for the first time.

 

“Fifty four hundred dollars…  What the f**k am I supposed to do now?”

 

The bell on the door rang as two regulars came in for their coffee, as he walked out he folded the cash into the pocked of his jeans.

 

 

JS

 

Author's Note

I'm not sure what this is. In my mind it is a mature married woman breaking up with her young lover as seen through the eyes of a waitress. The scene just appeared so vivid to me that I had to put it down and here it is. Any comments or suggestions are appreciated.

Reviews

[Angel's Lady]

Well, please do continue the story. And, if that's it, explain to me, please, what I missed. Oh, and in the interest of integrity, it's Donna Karan.

All in all, I liked it. Your characters are plausible, simple yet entertaining in your description. I liked it all except the ending, and I am assuming it's a lead-in...so please do send me a read request when you do the next chapter. Thanks for sharing this. Very well written, by the way.

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i don't think anything else needs to be said. there's nowhere else for the story to go. it is what your vision showed you. unless you get another brainstorm with the same characters, i'd let it stand as is. it's a wonderful little slice of life. the characters are very real and well written. well done.

[SR Urie]

Hi J.
Good story, but very vague as to plot and character motives. Excellent setting and character descriptions from the overdone dame who drives off in a huff to the loafing cook in the back room. I would have arranged the paragraphs differently, filling them deeper before going to the next, but you've arranged this text effecttively.
Good job. BZ

[astronaut]

this was lovely, truly. I like the ending and i dont think theres any need for you to continue
however, it would be great if you could describe the setting a little more; i can imagine it, but its not there in front of me.

X

[Chad Halle]

beautiful, when reading this i hear orchestral strings- a symphony. it plays like a movie of words. if i were to suggest anything it would just be a haze of lingering cigarette smoke, as a reminder of customers and boredom....and, in paragraph 3, only one tepid would do

[O!]

I really like how u describe the characters.....the setting...the pause....the switch....everything is just about right!......

The ending came in a bit too soon and left me with a huge ...?...

guess something to build on!...so pls do

x,
O!