GROWING UP MACY

A Story by Stephanie Ann

I am not a writer, never study journalism, didn’t major in English, but I do like to tell stories. Being a new mother and catapulted into life’s wonderful changes, I feel I have lots of stories to tell. These stories are about family, friends, motherhood and the odd things that life throws our way.

“Daddy Do’s”

The first week we had our baby girl, my husband proved to be an impressive Daddy! In an effort to give mom a rest and try his hand at being a dad, he graciously offered to take on diaper duty. Now, it seems to me that all new-dads fear diaper duty. Some will tell you they can’t handle the smell, others will tell you that it is a women’s job, and the majority of them say it just isn’t going to happen. This could be a positive thing, not only do we women have sex to withhold as a bargaining tool; we can now threaten with diaper duty!

Macy’s dad enthusiastically laid her on the changing mat and fumbled to get the diaper off. Once diaper removal was achieved he needed to inspect it to see that it actually needed to be changed. Being a typical man, he holds the diaper up the light thinking illumination would tell him that he had a dirty diaper in his hand. Upon seeing this, I quietly shook my head and went into the other room. Suddenly I heard a holler and a shriek. “I need help, quick! Oh no not again! What do I do, help, help, help!!!”. I quickly ran into the room only to see my husband so overwhelmed and confused. Macy had began to pee before her dad had a clean diaper ready, and then as he tried to clean up the pee, she began to poop, and to top it all off, she was spitting up. Upon seeing this, I fell to the floor laughing, now this being the first week I was out of the hospital my bladder was not quite back to normal. The only thing I managed to say to him through my laughter was that he was going to make it into the baby book as being the dad who had to ability to get both his girls to pee their pants! After this experience, he took a break from diaper duty for a while, but is now back in the game and a diaper pro!

“Piggy Bank”

In a night of fun and friends, I heard a story so oddly-hilarious that I decided it needed to be shared. Baby’s can be garbage disposals; anything they touch makes it into their mouth. One child sneakily managed to gobble up some change, increasing her net worth. As a parent I know how saving money is important, and that we should not be wasteful. One dad took this to the extreme. Out in his yard in the dead of winter, he lay out his baby’s diapers. With diligence and determination he swiped the diapers with a metal detector trying to redeem his baby’s savings. I never did ask him if he earned any interest off his little piggy bank.

“Blame it on the baby”

My family can be bold and vocal. I, on the other hand, like to represent myself as a lady. I took my baby girl on her first outing to a department store. Nervous that she might cry or get hungry I hurriedly pushed my cart through the store. Upon completing my list, I was relieved to pull my cart into the check out lane. Macy had slept the whole way through and I was ecstatic not to have to deal with any challenges. I watched the cashier scan each item one by one and slowly bag them. Nervously I swayed just waiting for Macy to wake up and begin crying. In that moment, something that I was not prepared for happened. From out of no where she let one rip. This loud and deadly passing of gas was heard by people two lines down. And, to my dismay, the cashier stopped scanning my items and said “Well, I guess now you can blame it on the baby”. I couldn’t blame it on the baby after that comment. I just hung my head and new that I would forever be embarrassed.

“Best Friends”

Macy has a friend in the neighborhood whom I believe to be around six years old. She stops by every now and then before supper to check on Macy and inspect her nursery. One day she took all of Macy’s toys that appealed to her and brought them into the living room where I was. She pulled out some play jewelry and said “Is Macy too young to wear this?” to which I replied “yes”. “Can I have them? I will bring them back as soon as she is old enough.” She then pulled out Macy’s first Easter basket and explained to me that she would like to have this Easter basked because she does not have one at home. After showing me a few other things that she wanted to have, she became a little frustrated that I would not let her take any of Macy’s things. She then stood up, smiled at me and said “Well, I guess Macy and I are going to be best friends. And since we will be best friends, she can just give me this stuff when she is done playing with them.”

“Little Stinker”

In an effort to keep Macy’s explorative hands away from the dog food and out of the water dish, her dad devised a plan that would let Rosco, the family pug, roam freely and keep Macy from snacking on kibbles and bits. He placed a baby gate about six inches off the ground so that Rosco could squeeze his roly-poly body under the gate allowing him to move freely from the kitchen to the living room and at the same time keeping Macy away. Why didn’t I think of that? This proved to be a great idea that worked! Well, for the first few days.

I was relaxing in the living room getting my daily dose of “That 70’s Show”, when I noticed silence; aside from the TV. Macy is normally banging her toys or babbling away, but there was nothing. Silence for anyone with kids, is a universal sign of “trouble”. I glanced around the room frantically looking for Macy. Did I leave the bedroom door open? What about the bathroom? Everything thing checked out, but still no Macy. Then giggles filled the air and there she sat in the kitchen drenched in doggy water. She had followed Rosco under the gate into the kitchen. “You little stinker” I commented. I proceeded to put her back in the living room and lowered the gate a few inches. Now, back to my show. A few minutes later I heard a screech followed by a scream. I glanced over by the gate and there laid Macy with her head wedged between the floor and the gate. To end this story, let’s just say that Macy was so persistent, that we ended up removing the gate and found our selves constantly picking up the food and water dishes before she could barrel over to them.

“Food for Thought”

Macy is now on what I like to call “people food”, basically she can eat what we eat. No more puree, Gerber or mush to keep her tummy full. And people food is her favorite! She devours everything on her plate and then some. There is no vegetable or fruit to healthy for her; she even likes pheasant and deer! Daddy is so proud! There is no need to tell people she is a good eater, her roly-poly legs and pudgy cheeks say it all.

Macy is now an independent feeder; she will not let me put the food in her mouth. She has to squish it and smear it, rub it in her hair and then try to make it into her mouth, being only about 70% successful. I don’t mind messy and I love to watch her be independent, but what keeps me on my toes is the game she figured out with Rosco. I am convinced that Rosco figured out baby talk and is communicating with Macy on what he would like for dinner. Anyone who has ever met Rosco knows that he is an extremely overweight pug who lives for food. We have him on diets and monitor what we give him, but if there is a will there is a way. And believe me, he finds a way.

After every bite, Macy will hold her hand down and let Rosco lick the food remnants off of her stubby little fingers, over and over again. Then after a bark and a yelp, Macy tosses her plate to the ground followed with a giggle. Each time she glances over the side to make sure Rosco found his treat. Day after day, I watch them go through their little routine. Justin and I try to be proactive and take the plate away just before it tumbles to the ground, but our success rate is only about 70% as well. Each time Macy gets a plate past us, we find our selves doing the Homer Simpson, “doh!”. I have a feeling this is a battle that will be long lived, but we will triumph! Well, I hope we do.

“Cutest Baby”

I don’t know about you, but ever since I had Macy, I have been crazed with cutest baby contests. More recently, there was a cutest baby contest on “Regis & Kelly”. A good friend of mine notified me of the contest, and instantly I began following Macy around with my digital camera, just waiting for the perfect shot. I even dressed her up in cute outfits and tried to pose her for a wonderful photo. I got my mom in on it as well. I would drop Macy off to be babysat and send a camera with. As determined as I was, I realized that it was next to impossible to get that perfect picture so long as I had the camera in my hand. It never failed, when I went to take the picture, Macy moved or refused to look at the camera. I even went as far as googling tips on how to take a great children’s photo.

I finally decided to go with a cute candid photo that I already had. I began to upload the photo to the designated website, careful to read the rules making sure the photo format and size were correct. How horrible to be disqualified because you sent the wrong size. Awe, the worries of being a parent! The following days after I uploaded her photo, I proceeded to check the website day in and day out looking for Macy’s photo. Nothing. The photos were never updated. Though the site reassured me that there were just too many photos to show every entry.

I remember perusing through the photo gallery of all the entries, sizing up my competition. I often wonder if every parent thinks that their child is the cutest, I saw some not so cute babies. Okay, I said it! I know, there is no such thing as an ugly baby, but come on, compared to my Macy, there is no competition!

After two weeks of following Macy around with a camera and two more weeks of checking the website, Macy did not win. I wonder if her picture was even looked at, there had to have been well over 10,000 entries. You would think that after all that, I would chill with the baby contests. No, I still find my self doing a Google search for baby contests. So, I’ve decided that I am just going to award my baby girl the Cutest Baby Award, well, of Worthing. I even made her a certificate to stick in her baby book. I know, I am a crazy mom.