6/29/17

6/29/2017

Its been a month without you and I’ve never felt more free.

Before I felt as if I lived under water, 

As if i couldn’t breath, 

As if this life was nothing to me. 

The day you entered my life,

It felt like hell, I didn’t know you, 

I felt as if you were controlling, as if you were hiding something

You didn’t want me to know of.

I thought I was just lost and confused at that time,

As if you really belonged to me. 

But I guess I was wrong..

We fought day and night..

Things that were useless to fight about.

You ignored me as if I never existed,

You treated me as if I was just your side girl,

You lied to me as if I would never find out.

You made me cry and hurt myself..

And you watched it all.

Yet not a word, nor a movement came from you. 

Just a shrug on your shoulder,

And a response of, “you don’t understand”

And you turn your back on me,

As if i was useless. 

Not a day, did you bother to make me happy. 

I worked hard at my job, I studied hard for school, I made time for you and my family.

And yet it wasn’t enough for you,

Something always bugged you, you always found something that wasn’t right.

Little things, things that don’t even matter.

You found to be angry at me about. 

I stayed quiet,

Bc people say its never good to say what goes on in a relationship 

That its all normal.

Hes just a guy, 

Thats how guys are.

Just deal with it.. 

He disrespected my parents, 

If one thing was to make me happy, it was for you to get a long with my parents.

And you said no. 

You wouldnt do that one thing to make ME,

Your wife…

Happy. 

Im carrying your child, 

Shes a baby girl,

She likes to kick a lot especially when im alone. 

When I told you, we were having a girl,

You didnt want to talk to me,

Nor look at me. 

From that day on, I knew you werent the one for me. 

That day hurt me…

You told me you were unhappy with me, 

You said you couldnt live life like this with me. 

I know im not the problem, 

But you never bother to look at yourself in the mirror

And wonder 

“Who am I?”

You just pointed at me and told me 

“Its all your fault.”

Is it? Is it really?

What did I do to anger you, 

We dont talk, We barely hang out, You keep your distance.

So what did i do?

You always use to look at me with anger in your eyes,

And i never knew why. 

You go one day,

Two days,

Five 

Without one word.

You hated when I told you the truth about yourself, 

You hated when all I did was just talk,

Talk about change, 

Maybe not for me,

But for yourself and your daughter. 

You hated when I told to be a man. 

You hated when I told you to suck it up, its life. 

You hated when I told you werent ever ready to be a husband nor a father.

I didnt lie there.

Actions speak louder than words. 

Silence itself speaks a thousands words,

And thats something you never understood. 

Your silence, killed me. 

I would scream, cry, and yell for you to hear me out. 

But you just looked at me with those eyes as if you wanted to hurt me. 

You once told me “if we were in Bosnia you wouldnt be acting like this”

So what was that suppose to mean,

Were you gunna lay a hand on me,

Bc thats not what a man is.

No ones afraid of you,

We are all the same. 

I remember I use to look right in the eyes,

“I dare you.”

And nothing. 

Its not the easiest being strong.

Going out in public with a smile on my face

Telling the world that everything is ok. 

That there are no problems at all. 

Life is great 

But than I come home…

And its like a storm in the house,

Everything is so grey,

Windy,

Loud,

Dark.

And than I remembered life wasnt so great anymore. 

Its funny how the people believe in the one who cries

In front of the world, 

But turns their backs to the one who cried alone. 

It never made sense to me,

I have friends who believe him more than me. 

His family wont even talk to me

He told them i kicked him out. 

He told them I was not the brightest

He told them who he really was 

And used it to describe me.

Bc of you I cant show my face anymore.

But at least im not the one living a lie anymore. 

Now I’m stuck with a baby girl,

I’m glad I am bc shes a blessing to me. 

I’m just upset bc you dont care for her,

You would rather go back to Bosnia than take care of a little girl,

Thats yours as well. 

When someones asks about her, 

Your only reply is “i grew up without parents as well”

Than tell me this,

Why would you want her to live without a father?

You may think you broke my heart,

Well bad news, you didnt. 

But you did break a little girls heart. 

How does that make you feel. 

To know, a girl that you havent met, you hurt her little heart. 

You walked out of my life, 

And your not welcomed back. 

Bc if you really loved me and you really cared for your family. 

You would have never walked out that door. 

But you did.

And thats on you. 

I hope your proud of the man that you have become. 

I hope you look at yourself one day and realize the damage that you have done. 

I hope you realize that you lost two girls in your life. 

And I hope you realize you will regret all of this one day. 

--s.m

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and worthwhile story shared.
"I hope your proud of the man that you have become.
I hope you look at yourself one day and realize the damage that you have done.
I hope you realize that you lost two girls in your life.
And I hope you realize you will regret all of this one day. "
I liked the above lines. Honest and true statments.. Thank you for sharing the amazing story.
Coyote