Linguine's Life: A Dog Blog - 30/12/2024

I'm tired.

God, I got sick from anxiety today. I had a throbbing headache all day and was feeling dizzy 24/7. My mum gave me some medicine (homeopathy) and figured out that my illness was due to too much stress and also abandonment issues.

Yeah. I have that alright. I told you last blog that I was scared of Linguine leaving me, and I've never been scared like this ever before, not even with humans.

Also, Linguine likes my sister more. I decided not to make it into a competition for love anymore. Even my cousin said Linguine liked my sister more. Sigh. Oh well. It is what it is. I'm the girl he attacks every morning with a cranky mood and a growling stomach while my sister is the one he runs too and licks. This is so fun. Yay.

I'm probably not going to write a lot for today because I feel really sick and my body is all weak. I talked to my mum about it and she said I'm literally going through the struggles of a mum and the kid not liking you after all you've done for them. Oh well. I just hope this headache goes away. I hate how sometimes I wish I could have my old life back, but ever since Linguine arrived, I found that my days become much more active and interesting, and I'm outside more than usual, which is a good thing. Usually, I'm kept in my room, writing for hours on end without breaks because that's the only thing I want to do. Now, I'm forced to go outside, run after Linguine when he goes out on his walks, play with him, and teach him new tricks, and honestly it makes my health better and I feel refreshed after moving my body and going outside, but that doesn't account for the other side, which is the bad negative emotional stress side, which I am currently trying to survive right now.

I know love isn't supposed to be easy, and I know now better than any-when else in my whole entire life that raising a puppy is no joke. When I see movies and shows with characters who have pets that instantly bond with each other, now I feel kind of bitter and just go, "Psshhh! Yeah right." I see the pet and animal world completely differently, and I wish everyone with pets good luck. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be this hard to get him to love me back. I think I'm going through some type of one sided, unrequited, delusional puppy and owner love, and honestly, I'd watch myself get reduced to nothingness, left with just deadness and agony, all with some popcorn and maybe coke on the side.

I hate both popcorn and coke, by the way. I think I'm going insane.

I wouldn't say I'm losing feelings for Linguine, though. He is still cute and he is still my dog, no matter how much he seems to love everyone else but me (I'm delusional, you don't have to tell me twice), but I just feel like I don't feel them as vividly or as intensely as I did before now. At the end of the day, I'm just a human to him, and I guess he's just a dog to me too. It's sad to think about how he might not be my dog anymore and more my sister's dog.

God, what is wrong with me? I've never had attachment issues before. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I love my sister.

Anyways I feel deadbeat and incredibly, painfully ill and I will take my leave now. I don't know what tomorrow will bring to this Dog Blog, and honestly I don't even want to know anymore. The only thing keeping me going is that movie date I have with my mum and more book plotting I'm going to do. I don't want to get up and put up with his cranky bites first thing in the morning anymooooore! Everyone knows I'm not a morning person, and this puppy is definitely not helping! :(

- Rika, 30/12/2024, 23:16

Author's Note

written: 2024