The Life With Miss Clakatoya

A Story by suuyuwriteyunu

heavily inspired by The Series of Unfortunate Events. 11 year old me may or may not have been obsessed. UNFINISHED!!!

Rika Mookmada Phurkwattanagul

The Life With Miss Clakatoya

Someone at the Door

There was a knock at their door.

'Knock. Knock.'

Silence followed every time the person knocked. Their minds were jumping all over the place. Could it be? Danny slowly turned the doorknob. His sister hugged her doll, Patricia, tightly. The pair kept hoping and hoping. The door creaked open. There was an old woman standing in front of them.

It wasn't them.

It has never been.

They knew their life was hard, but this woman thought it wasn't hard enough.

"What are you two standing here doing? You're supposed to be in your room!" scolded the woman.

"We're sorry Miss Clakatoya," muttered Danny, slowly dropping his head down, looking at the floor. His sister did the same. Then came the sobs of the sister.

"Oui! She’s crying! Again!" complained Clakatoya, "Donkey, stop your sister’s crying! Right now!"

"My name isn't Donkey! It's Danny, " said Danny.

“Who am I to care what your actual names are?” Scoffed Miss Clakatoya.

“You adopted us. You’re supposed to take care of us, give us comfort. All you did was make our life worse. The orphanage was bad enough already with Miss Furro,” said Danny, holding in his tears, “Why do you HATE us so much?”

“Well, Donkey boy, let me say it this way, and it’s a simple explanation, three words long,” said Miss Clakatoya, “I. Don’t. Care.”

Clakatoya stared at them as they made their way back into their room, the toilet under the stairs. Their eyes filled with tears. "We'll get out of here someday Theya, someday."

“Promise?” asked Theya, sobbing softly, wiping her tears off Patricia’s shirt.

“I Promise.”

A Brand New Day

'Cockle doodle DOO!' clucked the rooster introducing a brand new day. Their hands over their eyes, trying to get as much sleep as possible. They're very tired since Miss Clakatoya made them do theirs and her chores all night. Then, someone came thumping down the stairs.

'Thump. Thump. Thump.'

Then that person slammed open the toilet door and shouted as loud as a foghorn, "OKAYY!!! All the things you need to finish up your daily morning chores are over there," Clakatoya pointed to a corner in the toilet, "and the chores I gave you aren't that hard. You only need to scrub the toilets, wash the dishes, unclog my sink, feed my cat, wash my cat, dust all the furniture, restock my fridge, collect some wood, cut the grass, clean the litter box, and the rest of your chores are on this list. So, There. You can start now. I will be at the... wait, why do I care to even tell them that I’m going to go shopping with my sisters! Well, don’t you two DARE follow me! Even though you still don’t know where I’m going, of course!"

“Clever me!” she whispered to herself.

She marched out of the house, leaving the children in the toilet, under the stairs, of the one and only, Miss Clakatoya's house. The children knew it was no use arguing with her.

"Theya, today is going to be a very, very, very long day," said Danny.

Scrubbing the toilets with the materials provided in their room, (which was also a toilet, but a lot dirtier than the one they’re cleaning right now), Danny and Theya talked about their dreams.

“What did you dream about last night, Theya?” asked Danny.

“I... I was,” sputtered Theya.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” interrupted Danny, knowing that his sister had a nightmare, “Do you want to hear my dream?”

Theya nodded excitedly, still mopping the floor.

“We were at a candy land where the rivers were chocolate and the ground were marshmallows, the hills were ice cream and the trees were lollipops,” started Danny. His sister became very excited.

“We were having a picnic, but we forgot to bring the food for the picnic!” said Danny, trying to sound sad. His sister followed, her face was a sour lemon.

“But, it was fine because we were in Candy land! There were snacks surrounding us everywhere!” said Danny. Theya’s face lit up. It was the happiest Danny had seen Theya in a couple of last weeks in this house.

“What happened next? Tell me more, Danny! Quickly!” squealed Theya, hugging Patricia tightly, dropping the mop on the floor. Danny didn’t want to upset his sister, but the rest of his dream wasn’t a dream at all. It was a nightmare.

“Umm... So...” sputtered Danny, nervously, “we continued our picnic and it was delicious.”

“Yay!” Squealed his sister, “but, did we finish it?”

“I’m sorry Theya,” he said, “but we did not.”

His sister’s face dropped.

“Did something happen to us?” she asked slowly.

“No! Of course not! Why would something bad happen to us?” lied Danny, “We’re the Super Siblings, remember?” he said softly, putting his fist out for Theya.

“Yeah, I remember. The Super Siblings” answered Theya, fist-bumping Danny’s fist.

They both continued to scrub the toilet clean. Time passes, they were moving on to their next chore. Washing Miss Clakatoya’s breakfast dishes. Then, just when Danny was walking out the door, Theya grabbed his wrist.

“Danny. Someday we are going to Candy land, and we are going to finish that picnic,” she said.

Danny smiled at his sister.

“I know we will,” he said.

Stranger

Two months earlier.

“Danny and Theya, please report to the front desk,” Miss Furro announced. Her voice echoed through the narrow halls of the empty and endless orphanage.

“Danny and Theya, do NOT make me repeat myself again. Please report to the front desk immediately!” repeated Miss Furro.

Back on top of floor number four, where the orphans Danny and Theya stayed, the orphans came running down the wooden stairs of the orphanage as fast as they can, not wanting any more horrible punishments that Miss Furro punished them with. Their little shoes tapped softly on the dark brown stairs, making the ears of the person listening hurt.

‘Click, clack. Click, clack,’ their shoes hitting the surface of the stairs quicker and quicker every minute.

“C’mon Theya, we have to hurry. I don’t want any more socks stuffed in my mouth,” said the boy.

The pair quickly scurried down the incredibly long, four flights of stairs. Around and around they went. They were living in this same orphanage since the little boy was one. Their parents... well, whatever happened to them, were nowhere in sight.

Then, just as they were arriving at the front desk, they saw their other orphan friend, Hecathy, walking out with worms stuffed into her ears. The worms were wiggling, as alive as worms can be, in both of her ear holes.

“They tickle,” she whispered to them, eyeing Miss Furro in the corner of her eye.

“Yeah, I know. They used to be in my ears once,” answered Danny. The orphans walked up to the front desk, where Miss Furro was seated. There was one small metal chair in front of her desk. But the orphans weren’t allowed to sit on it. It was for ‘Guests Only’, and whoever dares sit there without proper permission would have to live in the Hansen’s toilet for two whole days.

The Hansen’s toilet was known for its dirtiness. It was the dirtiest, most disgusting, most gross, and icky thing the world has ever seen. It once won the ‘The World’s Most Disgusting Toilet’ award. The door was made of wood. Thousands of termites ate the wood until it was not even a door anymore. The wood was sticky, sticky because of the expired gels and shampoos the Hansens rub on there. The floor was the exact opposite of the door, (not including the disgusting part.) since there was no floor. It was plain, crispy brown grass. Except for the fact that the grass was growing in quicksand and the quicksand could swallow an eight-foot-tall man whole in less than half an hour. It would take less than a minute to swallow a kid in the orphanage. Under the roof of the toilet were mountains of fungus. Green, dripping fungus, as long as a ruler hanging under the Hansen’s toilet’s roof.

You cannot go in there and come out in the same condition you came in. At least three-quarters of your hair has to be covered in fungus, your whole body has to be sandy from quicksand, and your ears and nose holes have to be filled with at least a nest of termites. It is yes, the most horrible punishment Miss Furro has ever given the children in the orphanage since no one dares to do anything bad on purpose. But Miss Furro did once say, after she sent an orphan into the Hansen’s toilet, that, “You children, haven’t seen the last of me yet. This was just level one of my punishments. Now GET BACK TO WORK!”

Back to the two orphan siblings, they were standing next to the metal chair in front of Miss Furro’s desk.

“Did you want to see us, Miss Furro?” asked Danny, quietly.

“Yes orphans, I did,” said Miss Furro, slamming her fist on the desk. Her vases rattled. “I called you two times orphans, TWO times on the speaker. I shouldn’t have to call you twice, Right?” she said, her voice raises and raises on every word.

“Yes, Miss Furro. It won’t happen again,” whispered Danny.

“What did you say again? Speak up, ORPHAN!” She shouted.

“I said we won’t do it again!” shouted Danny. Then Danny’s hand came flying up to his mouth at top speed, covering it shut.

“Oh, you dare raise your voice,” she said, “normally, I would have had you clipped on to my drying rack already, but since today is a special day for me, and for you two too, of course, I will let it past.”

“Why is today a sp-”

‘SLAM!’ The door of the orphanage burst open, revealing an old lady wearing a pink and black striped tiger fur dress with a pearl necklace around her neck. The lady trying to catch her breath, walked wobbly to sit on the small metal chair that no one was allowed to sit on, (except for guests, of course.) Then Miss Furro started speaking.

“Good morning, Miss, umm...”

“Clakatoya. *Pant Pant* Denise Maggritese Clakatoya,” answered the lady, “Now, where’s my package?”

“By package, do you mean the children?” asked Miss Furro, firmly.

“No, I mean my package deal. You said I get both of them!” argued the lady, “and I want them now or Else!”

Miss Furro eyed the lady. She isn’t familiar with someone shouting at her. Because no one dared.

“If you want it so badly,” continued Miss Furro, pushing the two orphans forward with her stick, “then here you go.”

The orphans got pushed closer to the lady. Theya’s legs were slower so she tripped, face down on the ground.

“Oof!” she said quietly.

“Get up, giant maggots! We don’t have all day!” shrieked the lady, walking out the front door.

Danny helped Theya back up. They walked out of the orphanage. The orphans looked back and saw what was used to be their home. Correction, it wasn’t their home at all. It was just where they lived, it definitely didn’t feel like home. They saw Miss Furro, grinning her best evil grin, waving her stick at them, waving goodbye. They won’t be able to come back to this place anymore. They were adopted.

Evenings

To the orphans, in which I mean Danny and Theya who are no longer orphans since they got adopted by a mean old lady, Miss Denise Maggritese Clakatoya, they are now, forced by the law of adoption, to spend their whole lives in Miss Clakatoya’s house which is located in the middle of Mount Hood, and no one knows when the volcano is going to erupt again, so it is counted as a dangerous place to live in.

The children looked out from the toilet window, seeing Miss Clakatoya ride away on her motorbike as she waves her hand wildly in the air, screaming at the top of her lungs, “I have escaped from the horrible children that I, myself adopted for some reason!”, out into the forest, going shopping with her fellow sisters, having the best days of her life, while he and his sister are hoping and hoping that one day, they will come and whisk them out of this wretched place, and then, having the best time of their lives instead. But sadly, that is not the reality. The reality is that the children were stuck inside the yet dark and smelly house of Miss Clakatoya, cleaning her toilets and washing her dishes, while Miss Clakatoya goes out shopping with her sisters. That, dear reader, is the truth.

Evenings at Miss Clakatoya’s house aren’t always so dull all the time. The children often find interesting stuff hidden in the corners of her house while they clean. To Miss Clakatoya, that stuff is nothing but trash. But they don’t say this for nothing, ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’. They often find stuff like gum wrappers, pennies, and sometimes, even quarters. They collect this stuff in a small metal tin they found in their toilet room. So far, they have collected 24 gum wrappers, 31 cents, 15 quarters, 25 small pieces of ripped cloth, 6 soda bottle caps, and somehow, a 1 dollar bill. 1 dollar bills are extremely hard to find hidden around in Miss Clakatoya’s house since she keeps all her money (not including coins because she thinks coins are useless) in the bank and her purse. But they somehow manage to find a 1 dollar bill laying around under the living room couch.

This evening, Danny and Theya were cleaning their own toilet room. They clean their room every evening since they aren’t allowed in until all their other chores are done. Every morning, Miss Clakatoya will come downstairs with a bucket of mud and moss to pour all over the children’s room. That’s why they have to clean it every evening after all their other chores are done, of course.

“Danny, have you ever wondered what we are going to do with the stuff we got?” asked Theya.

“Well, I guess. When we grow up, we can use the money we collected to buy ourselves a house to live in. And maybe also get jobs. But I am not sure if we are ever going to be able to do that though. So don’t get any ideas yet,” Danny replied to his sister.

“Oh,” answered Theya, wiping sweat off of her forehead. Then she bent down to clean the old trunk beside their blanket bed. She polished and polished it, but she can’t seem to make it SHINE. Theya grumbled.

“What’cha got there?” asked Danny.

“I can’t make this thing shiny!” Theya groaned in frustration.

“Let me try,” said Danny, scooching closer to his sister. He uses his cloth to firmly wipe the old trunk but it didn’t work. They went outside and dipped the trunk in the pond but that didn’t work out either. They tried multiple ways to try to make the trunk clean, but none of them worked. They finally gave up so they went back into their room and plopped down on their bed. Forgetting that it’s just a blanket on a concrete floor.

“Oof!”

“Oww!”

“Ouch!”

The siblings rubbed their backs.

“That really hurts,” said Theya.

“True.” replied Danny, “Hey, have you ever wondered what exactly was in that old junk?” asked Danny.

“No? But we aren’t supposed to open it, Danny! It’s against the rules!” whined Theya.

“But have you ever wondered?” asked Danny, one more time.

“Noo!!” sobbed Theya.

Danny rolled his eyes. His sister is starting to cry again. At least she lasted an hour without any crying.

“You’re hungry, aren’t you?” said Danny, “C’mon, let’s go get some food.”

Danny stood up, his sister held his hand. The pair walked into the kitchen. When they were about to open the fridge door, Miss Clakatoya burst in the entrance, laughing as loud as a lion’s roar, talking on her phone with someone.

“HA HA HA HA! Now that’s what I call funny, Hal. Well, I gotta go now, I have some pesky little orphans to take care of. Bye! See you later,” then she hung up. It took her a minute to figure out where the children were. They were in... her kitchen.

“You, you, you little dirty snoopers! What are you two doing snooping in my kitchen! MY Kitchen!” Miss Clakatoya screamed.

“Th-th-theya was hungry. We were j-just grabbing some food,” shivered Danny.

“Well get on with it! It's not like I have all day!” she shouted.

Then Theya’s mouth starts to quiver. Her legs began shaking. Her eyes became more watery every second. First, she started to sob.

“Stop it orphan!” scolded Miss Clakatoya.

Then that made Theya start to cry. Then just a second later, she was throwing a tantrum.

“WAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!! HUUUUUUUUU!!!!” she cried.

“Shush! Shhhh!” Danny tried to calm his sister down.

“Will someone please shut her up!” shouted Miss Clakatoya.

But Theya couldn’t help herself. She was still a four-year-old. Danny was four years older than her. While Theya was still throwing a tantrum, Danny opened the fridge and grabbed a small carton of milk and a cookie for his sister. Just when he was going to grab a cookie for himself, Miss Clakatoya interrupted.

“Just who gave you permission to grab stuff from my fridge?!” she said.

Danny quickly shoved all the food he grabbed into his pockets.

“Naughty Donkey! I saw you put a cookie in your pocket!” said Miss Clakatoya. The cookie she was talking about, was the cookie Danny grabbed for himself. But he knew getting food for his sister was more important than getting food for himself, so he put the cookie back into the fridge.

“WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” Theya was still crying her lungs out. Danny dragged her back into their toilet room. They sat down on the floor.

“Danny! I don’t like this house!” she said, followed by a bunch of crying. But then, Danny reached into his pocket and grabbed the small carton of milk and a cookie out for his sister to see. When Theya saw the snacks, she stopped crying right away and gobbled everything down like an animal. Without forgetting about his brother, she left a quarter of the cookie for him. Danny seemed very pleased and thankful. For he was hungry too. Theya smiled and they both ate their snacks, peacefully in their room, under the stairs of Ms. Clakatoya’s house.