Breaking each Promise

Breaking each Promise

A Poem by sushi

When the black clouds dissolve 
slowly into the white light.
When the moon is high 
spreading light, peaceful and pleasant
There is a boat in middle of the sea
shining in your happiness

In the woods, where no one ever entered
Here I am,
In the middle of nowhere
all by myself
reminded of each day from my past,
breaking each promise
in the smoke i breath out;
Like an angel in white
boiling herself in anger and hatred.

I pledge to myself
to break each promise i made
to bleed in the flames i inhale
to forget you when i faint to a sleep, silent and deep.

© 2014 sushi


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Reviews

Good write but try to describe more out of your fortunes. You seem to be concentrating on a single piece for a bit long whereas you could describe more aspects to express yourself. Try working on yourself.

A nice write. Hope to hear from you again.

Regards,
Sagar Waingankar
Author of Rhythms!

Posted 10 Years Ago


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Me
What a charming and well written piece and easily identified with by the reader

Posted 10 Years Ago


Beautifully written Sushi and I really enjoyed your work here. This is soo deep and It makes me to remember those nostalgic moments. Loved it. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


It's a melancholic one with good visual imagery and describes heartbreak with visuals and metaphor hard to ignore. Some typographic error is there in the 7th line if I m not wrong.

Posted 10 Years Ago


sushi

10 Years Ago

Thanks.... I missed that one :)
This has a lot of anger, stress and passion, and that sometimes makes a really good read, and write for you, you can easier write when angry to receive emotions you want to have down on the paper, good read, I liked it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


I like where you're going with this one sushi, promises needs to be singular since you used 'each'....and I think instead of repeating 'light' so often you could come up with something different to substitute so it's not so redundant imho, all around I like the sentiment here.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Passionate angry and very well written...Nicely done sushi....

Posted 10 Years Ago



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8 Reviews
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Added on February 16, 2014
Last Updated on March 8, 2014

Author

sushi
sushi

Pune, India



About
I landed here in an attempt to be myself and put out the thoughts in my mind. Its not some diary pages i scribble for the sake of writing, its my memories. Few, which i would preserve close to my h.. more..

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