Stubborn Existence

Wanna know a secret? I'm angry at you--

Although it's no surprise, it's true

I've always been angry--not that you care.

You're the great big God who doesn't share.

I mean, you're God after all,

And humans don't mean much to you after the fall.

So I'll wallow in my misery

And show everyone what they want to see

Because they don't deserve the pain I feel

And they don't know how slowly it kills

When you're told--demanded--to be something great

At the hands of everything and everyone you hate

But I'm not going to reach out to You

I'm tired of these holy silences You put me through

So I won't let you reach me

No matter what new lesson you're trying to teach me

I'll do myself harm

And stay out of your arms

Because it's easier that way--

Holding onto strings better left to fray.

On that day when I actually die

And you force me to look you full in the eye

I won't have any chances to hide

The fact that I walked away when you were by my side

So maybe just for now

I'll lay my weapons down

And open my heart once more

To the love you offered before

And if I cry and shake in fear

Promise me you'll catch my tears

And if I try to walk away again

Promise me the dark isn't where my story ends

'Cause I was made for something better than this--

I just have to find the reason why I exist

Author's Note

I'm not sure what to say about this. It's a mix of begging, pleading, screaming, and weeping--as many of my conversations with God go. Even after writing this, I'm still not sure where I am. What do you guys think/feel about it?

Reviews

[Salar Majak]

wow, thismakes you cry. the mixed emotions and fear and confusion about existence, this is scary. but at the end, we all feel like this some days. great write, and trust me, you will find your way back home.

[Siren]

I'm not sure where home will be or who it will be with, but I'm hoping someone takes me in :]

[Salar Majak]

:) i'm sure soe one amazing will

[Siren]

thanks (: