An Imbalance?

October 14, 2014

My mind is filled with dark thoughts
So my heart has been put in control
It makes me so sweet and kind
But also pure compared to my mind

This correction has left me off kilter
Where almost everything has a filter
I think this makes me weak
But others think me strong 
They are so often wrong

I view it often as a curse
For I smile at those who have caused pain
I'm as timid as a drizzle of rain
Or the sun on a cloudy day

I'm constantly spilling tears
That are filled with fears
Because im so weak at the end
I know what I want, what I wish
But as lost as a newborn fish

Many of my nights I have cried
Then of course lied
Because I'm supposed to be strong
Though none will tell me if I'm not

So I lash out when its just me
Or if I am at witts end
When I lose my cool I reach for a star
This is the only time I go far
This is when I'm no longer afraid

My kindness is quite the curse for me
For it makes me afraid to offend
Makes me worry without reason
Throughout every single season

So even though I know what I want
I do not hold very high hopes
For when I'm against the ropes
I know I'll cave or worse
I may give up though it'll kill me