prisons and fields

'yes; and back to the steady trains of commuters, the passage of freedom from the clouded offices and numb converse. i think now of my place and theirs, i am glad. i am curious also, where the glad becomes a questionable concept. could such routine and certainty refrain the ghost of the wanderer , the fire of exploration or does it burn deeper in their heart. the willing prison offers a release looked for and not the unknowing of corners and direction.

it is bright in here, the hospital light of such mettalic snakes feed the eyes with chemical illumination. the squalid purple seats and floor and violet plastic covers arrange the system in a well planned calming structure. maybe directed at these locked minds. i feel them creeping about with conformity and supression, a message of implanted drones.

even as i sit i long for the fields of white flower and the sunrise on the statues of human sculpture, bells and fire and dance. my heart aches for escape, for a difference in this. to be far away, into the shores of natural abundance and away from the stale cities of mechanism. i have tried, by seperating my mind into the pieces of differentian to carry and take to the pits of moon dance which abide in such holes. i take them there and see the wanting and love. many poets converse in such palaces, yet still it has the infection of the mass. i will go there often also to ease my troubled mind.

now for music..'
 

Reviews

[Texas Identitycrisis]

I really like your style and the way your descriptions breathe life into inanimate objects. I would use proper grammar though, I mean, use capital letters at the beginning of each sentence. Where I got lost (2 places ~ see below), I did enjoy your eloquent words, however, it is important (I guess) for the reader to know what you mean. Here are a few things you may want to look at.

The beginning word 'yes; (I would change this ~ perhaps Back to the steady...))

the fire of exploration or does it burn deeper in their heart.
(insert comma after exploration)

offers a release looked for and not the unknowing of corners and direction. (and not the unknowing of corners and direction ~ lost me a little here)

mettalic (metalic)

such mettalic snakes feed the eyes (insert comma after snakes)

even as i sit i long for the (insert comma after sit)

i have tried, by seperating my mind into the pieces of differentian to carry and take to the pits of moon dance which abide in such holes. (to the pits of moon... ~ this lost me)

[Amaterasu]

Fookin hell mate you dark horse you.Thats serious talent.I am astounded.x

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

To escape the mundane of what life has to offer.

to the steady trains of commuters, the passage of freedom from the clouded offices and numb converse.

This line gives light to the the task we all must do to exsist in this life. Cummute with strangers, on a quest to make a living, Better things can be done, pursued but we must do what we must do.

Well written with nice metophers to put us on that ride with you.

[Amy Carrington]

I love this poem, it seems as though it's like an Urban fairy tale. Very nice.

[Blue Cavalla]

I love work which focuses on the city and commuters and the concrete and metallic skylines. Whether the poem be for or against (I personally prefer against) I always find there's so much beauty and/or horror in a city. You have captured some of this very well. Keep 'em coming.

[sk8tagirl95]

I love it :) A good write and the title matches the poem. Well Done