Autobiography

Hello!  Before you begin reading, I would like to share my inspiration and personal background of life experiences. For this is what brought me to writing this recovery guide.

          To start with, my name is Sunshine, I'm twenty five years old, (as of this date July 3, 2013) and I have three beautiful children. My inspiration and motivation that lead me to writing this come within! For its within my personal background and life experiences that I have been through or what I have personally witnessed!

          In the beginning, I always enjoyed school and always made good grades. Also, I stayed involved in sports; basketball, volleyball, but my most favorite, martial arts. Tae Kwon Do, achieving my black belt for me was one of the most unforgettable experiences in life, "other than the birth of my children" that meant and still means the most to me. This life didn't last long!

          In a blink of an eye, at age fifteen. One choice that lead to many more turned my entire life upside down. Unknowing at the time, (just thinking of having a good time) the things i was becoming involved with, would hold may direct factors of how life as i know it would be no more! As, most teens do I began partying! This is where I began experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and sex! The very first drug, I began smoking this and it is most commonly known as weed. Still, keeping in mind, I'm fifteen "almost sixteen" and in addition to the drug i was drinking and had now experienced sex for the first time. Unknowing, at doing these things I took my first step on to a long rocky road. In which, I traveled far too long.

          Soon after I began this journey, at age seventeen, I became pregnant. This is the point I realized the one known freedom would no longer be. Once I found out, I stopped smoking but never changed my crowd around me. Terrified as I was, I knew there was just no way for me to have kept the pregnancy secrete. With no other option, I had to face my parents with the news. Of course, they didn't take the news, of their teen daughter becoming a mother, very well. Even thought the idea and reality was soon lived; soon everyone learned to accept and live with the situation. Although, they are helping and have now gotten use th living with this idea; I still felt I had to do right by my unborn child. So i decided to get married to the father of my child.

          Although, not all eight years were bad. During this time, God blessed us with two more children. But, we were too young for marriage to start with. Hell, excuse my language, but we were too young for one child now have three and struggling to take care of our self. I love m children, but we should have not

 

been acting grown, when really we were still kids our self. We both were hanging out with a pretty rough crowd, and once combined this was only a recipe for disaster.

          Soon after wedding, verbal, and physical abuse began. The  verbal abuse held the most impact on me. In return, this destroyed my confidence in myself and in life. I began listening and following the crowd. Soon, I was introduced to narcotics "pain killers" here at the first pill taken, my struggles with addiction began! Only because and the only reason, I choose not to say, NO.

          Not long, the narcotics quit giving me the high I was wanting. Therefore, the search began; looking for anything to get that high I was craving, (the numb feeling, to hide my emotional and physical abuse at home) to me I needed this feeling to have the strength to put a smile on my face and act as I were happy. During, my short drug hunt; of course I found it. The one! That one I had searched for, to give me that feeling. Methamphetamine ;( a.k.a. ice, Chrystal ice) most commonly (ice, meth) just as for the narcotics only because I didn't say NO.

          Eventually, I was using more and more, in which lead me to experimenting different ways to ingest the drug. In doing this I discovered "iv usage" (a.k.a. needle, banging and shooting up) most common term is

"banging" The (needle/syringe) is most commonly known;"rig or point". The shame I felt for letting my life come to this, a drug addict, plus the mental

 and physical abuse, I was losing control of my life and family! All led to very soon after my husband and my own addictions became larger and we separated.

          In having no confidence, no self esteem, the years of abuse and shame i felt inside, left me feeling as though I was a failure. I felt as i had failed as a mother and wife. I was at the point of my last straw. i couldn't take anymore! and I began, "Really"  banging. I was using three times more now. Not wanting to realize but knowing better when I choose to put that needle in my arm the first time; for the day I first used I was messing up! But, never would have thought how badly. For the answer I thought I'd found would also be what I let destroy my life.

          Others fail to realize, those whom use a "needle" for drug use, develop and addiction to that; as though it is a drug itself.  This is where I went downhill fast. Now, with two addictions and the mental scars, I gave up! I gave up on myself, my life, and the one i shouldn't ever my family.

          This led me to attempted suicide, three times, by iv injection of a mixture of meth and narcotics, "methadone." But, I soon seen God wasn't ready for me at this point in my life. Although, he wasn't ready for me, he did have many life lessons for me to lean. This was for my selfishness.

          As, my life quickly spiraled out of control I found myself in Tennessee, this road got much longer!  Here, I found out up close and personal about jail.

 My addictions put me there but only because i let them. After ten days, sentenced to two years probations, and owing a thousand dollars in fines, acting as a fool, I ran straight for the streets. This is where I found myself beat, molested, and in many situations that till this day haunts my dreams.

          Even though I gave up the “meth.” I still was heavily “banging” just a new kind.. Where I found “cocaine” to be exact “crack cocaine” commonly called “hard”. During which I met a guy....O Yes! I thought i was going to get to live it up in best of both worlds....money, drugs, wants, and needs....Suddenly I found out I was o so terribly wrong...He bought a car, in me knowing i don’t have licenses I shouldn’t had been driving, but i was. So out one night, him and myself  had became indulged in a heated argument and i decided just not to go home, Wrong answer, for he called and reported the car stolen...Of Course, we know what happen, Yes! Right back to jail I went.

          This is I truly didn’t steal the car and this is where i found out I did truly have One Friend in my life. This man came everyday to take me to eat and just simply make sure I was alive. For always, he was telling me I was

too smart for this life, and how I was better than this life, never the less how pretty I was. He always was positive!  He eventually is who paid my bond and got a lawyer. The Difference, this man is selfless, he done this all with No Expectations in return. See, I could never repay this man all the kind and

love he has shown me.

          Now, let us take a brief moment, looking back as I sat in that dorm there at the county jail, on my top bunk. I began to look around, I noticed No One, for No One but me and God was there...Reality Hit!! As, i knew i had to change, i knew i have three babies, whom most of all deserved more that this from life, from a Mother, as everything kept racing through my mind, Remembering, i had medical results not yet back..I began to Pray. For i prayed for forgiveness for all my sins and wrong doings, Guidance, to only follow him through this life and through this road to recovery, patients, in life and my every day, and a chance! A Second Chance!! It was as though I heard this voice, “for each day you wake is your Second Chance, for i never promised tomorrow.”

          After this, I knew, I had to do something. The day after I was released, for this day I will never forget, as I answered my phone, to heard that voice. That was soft  tones, as he said,” Miss, I am so sorry to have to inform you, this is dr. H, and as I am looking through your results, but the

size , location and type, I’m so very sorry but you terminal cancer.” These words shot through me like a bullet, “Terminal Cancer,” I said to myself. He gave me the percentages and reasons. Yes slow growing. “What does that mean?” “For, how long?” “What about my kids?” So many questions ran through my head. As, I hung up that phone, I fell to my knees where I began to pray, all I knew to do, for this time I prayed for Strength, to tell my family, once more, news that would rip through their hearts, and I prayed for them to not understand why but to knew that everything was going to be okay now. I prayed, for on that day, I must tell my children they understand how he needs me to come to heaven to be an angel. Yet, I still had so many fears. For, I feared of dying with regret and having lost relationships, with those whom I truly love. So here, I present to you, the steps for I took in my recovery, For, I had God guiding me the entire way and still to this day.

          As of this day, July 3, 2013, I’m clean, happy and my babies and happy, healthy, and enjoy their momma being here as much as their momma enjoys the gift to have this day with them. My hope and prayer in writing this, “I hope and I pray to the God above, my words of testimony can touch just one person and their family. Job my job here on earth then shall be done.”

I get through everyday temptation with this small reminder; I read it every day as many times as I need too...

 

 

Reviews

[Sunshine]

This is True about the author "Me" i am a recoved addict