Overdose

i almost overdosed last night.

i wish i did.

i wish i didnt wake up this morning.

i wish i was dead.

is that really too much to ask?

im living for my friends.

they say they'll take the same path as me.

i dont want that.

im a burden to my parents.

im a burden to my teachers.

im a burden to my friends.

i try to tell them to be happy.

i know they cant.

im selfish for wanting this.

im selfish for not being grateful for the life i have.

im selfish for leaving my friends.

im selfish for slamming my door.

im selfish for not replying to my father.

im selfish for hating myself to the extent i wish i never existed.

im selfish for spending all my time listening to my music, alone, in my room.

i dont understand why my parents ask so much of me.

im burntout.

im autistic.

im depressed.

i barely sleep or eat.

yet they still want me to be social.

they still want me to be happy.

they still want me to care.

i try.

but trying isnt enough.

trying will never be enough.

i will never be enough.

i almost overdosed last night,

and my friend asked why.