Harm....

   The black of the night haunts me with every step and it seems to follow me,

    I turn around to see nothing but darkness and empty space down my street,

    My heart races with every step and i brake in to a cold sweat.i can feel the sweat trickle down the back of my neck,

    With every step i take it seems like my destination keeps getting farther and farther,

    I try to run to make it there but i soon find my self falling to the hard cement,

    As i fall i can see my life flash before my eyes and tears fall from my face,

    Blood trickle out of the thin cut on my head and i look up hoping wishing that i was home,

    As i lay there in the middle of the road on that spot in the road now tainted with my blood i can not only help but to think

 

                          what did i do wrong?????

   

    

Reviews

Reminds me of some sort of nightmare. Good job at this.

My suggestion for you is that if you intended on using "with every step" repetitively, try using it in a more regular pattern. If not, possibly examine different wordings.

Second, you've added several extra words in the lines that are redundant by nature. I encourage you to go back over your lines with a fine tooth comb and see how you can explain the meaning more effectively.

I think you have a good start here. I hope you keep writing and refining your skills. Best wishes to you!

-Sarah

[chillz]

wow * _ * AMAZING... I enjoyed reading

[rhiannonskye36]

wow this is like, amazing. i really enjoyed this. incredible talent(:

[♥SunkissAngel♥]

i know i am not the best speller but i am a good speller....thanks for the advise.

[Poeticpiers]

I liked the theme but a spell check before posting would be a wise move. You don't do yourselff justice with a hurried presentation