Anyone unsure what "l’espirit de l’escalier" means, it is French for "staircase wit" which basically is the phrase for when a person thinks of a clever comeback when it is too late
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Holy cow, that was really good. The metaphor wasn't overbearing, it was just right in terms of application. It was long enough to get your whole point out with enough detail, but short enough to maintain the reader's interest. You have a great message, one that everyone is aware of, and you detail it so well that its really quite inspirational. Good job.
i don't know about the "unknowing participants" part...however...and yes...they are a central theme of most men's every dream and nightmare...enjoyed the read...
Posted 14 Years Ago
I love the metaphors used.
The flow is wonderful
And the imagery is good,too!
You did an excellent job
Especially on the description of how much power a woman can have on a man.
This poem makes good use of metaphor and word play to describe how utterly powerless a man can be when enthralled by a woman.
What stands out for me in this poem is a sense of futility to resist the irresistable. The poem starts with the image that a woman (or at least a particular woman) has a sense of control and power that cannot be resisted. Choosing to describe this as omnipotence removes any accusation that this is done deliberately or even maliciously - it is simply her nature to be 'better'. The thought that one, "might think of a clever comeback" is immediately discounted - we are simply victims caught in a trap. The only image I found somewhat disconcerting was a suggestion that man might fall on baser instincts to gain an upper hand, "we may use anger, and power to empower". This suggests a certain negativity in the relationship whereas the rest of the poem seems to be based on this being a natural state of affairs.
My favourite line from this poem is the final one - "Mars will always surrender to the hourglass of a Venus flytrap". The reason for this is that it manages to tie up both the 'men are from Mars and women are from Venue' theme with the 'hourglass' figure of Venus we might be more familiar with in sculpture form. This is very clever, I wish I could come up with such multi-faceted ideas!
"games are all they’ll ever be." was one of my favorite lines, but My God that ending
"Mars will always surrender
to the hourglass of a Venus flytrap."
I haven't read something that brilliant in a very very long time, and I just realized how much I miss it, this type of writing it the kind that opens minds and brings them into a whole new way of looking at something you swear you've looked at before. Brilliant.
A amazing poem. Venus flytrap are a very cool plant. I like how you translated the plant into real life.
"but war does not determine who is right,
it only shows who is left,"
A outstanding poem. A strong ending.
Coyote
very nice write down senor shambles. In particular I enjoyed the clever mythological reference at the end, mars (god of war) to venus (goddess of love). I straight up did not see you going there. It was a brilliant end that you built carefully too, clue-ing me in that there is a crafty and dedicated poet steering your rhymes all the while....and here I thought they were just amusing :)
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