Tequila Mockingbird

When a woman has to choose

Shooting heroin
and aiming for the stars,
trying to find the right words
to put into a few bars,
that look you just gave me
broke the strings on my guitar,
I go back to the drawing board
but writing is kind of hard
when your fists are clenched
because of a silly little wench
she found no appeal in sitting on the fence,
so in the midst of the ordeal
she split herself in two and went both ways.
Now she’s half the woman she used to be
but so am I because she used to be half of me.

Reviews

[Craig Bates]

This reminds me a bit of Miguel Pinero - quite a raw, simplistic style. If you're happy with this overall there is only really one bit that I would suggest looking at again and trying to rework:

'that look you just gave me
in your eyes left me scarred'

I know you're trying to keep the rhythm but if you think about this, it really doesn't make much sense. If it's a look, the fact it's from someone's eye is pretty much implied without having to spell it out and it made me stop reading to re-read it. If you could find something else to say here to fill the space I think it could really improve the poem.

I like that you start with a fairly rigid rhyme scheme but then aren't afraid to make things more irregular. It shakes things up and keeps it interesting.

[Miss Coral]

I was looking through this for your contest.. and could not, for the life of me, decide which was my favorite line.. there were so many that had excellent images... wonderful piece. Love the intelligence and cleverness behind this.

Very raw, very deep poem. It flows well and you can definitely sense the authors feelings. You can even imagine it in your minds eye. Love it. Keep up the great work.

[.]

what a really interesting and well written poem..love the fact that you don't divulge what is splitting the person..the title caught my eye, how did you come up with that?

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

what a delightful explorative of duality~ has a nursery rhyme feel that gives it even more draw and relevance~much enjoyed!

[Seosaimhín]

I really like this, particularly the ending. I think it really ties the whole piece together. I also really like the change you made to it, having read the previous reviews.

[Talkativeted]

Nice ending. I like the rhyme. Super.