Please be critical, but try to ignore grammer and punctuation errors. I tend to lose my self when writing. :)
P.S just remember that this was intended as a short story, not a book. So if the chapters are a bit uneven, its because they weren't meant to be chapters. I only did that to make it easier to read, instead of having to scroll down all the time.
My Review
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I am usually not into mhussy love stories (as I like to call them) But This one was different the way you went form line to line paragrapgh to paragraph it was amazing, you used a very descriptive vioce in your writing that made the main character so real seeming, you grow attached to her and it ends so nicely. nothing bad to say keep it up you obviously have a passion for writing that I share with you.
I am usually not into mhussy love stories (as I like to call them) But This one was different the way you went form line to line paragrapgh to paragraph it was amazing, you used a very descriptive vioce in your writing that made the main character so real seeming, you grow attached to her and it ends so nicely. nothing bad to say keep it up you obviously have a passion for writing that I share with you.
Oh my gosh !! Such a lovely, lovely story. I am awestruck... This is really a GREAT job. Wonderfully poised from start to finish, great language and such a sweet, perfect love story. I so like the idea of using the italicized lines in between to describe her unconsciousness. And the way you wrapped up the story, in the last few lines, Despair, Accident, Darkness and final reunion, Wonderful.
Sunflower , from what I've read in this one, you have a natural talent to write..Just keep going..I am sure you will be doing great..
I'm a 15 year old young writer who absolutely loves reading and writing. My stories have been praised by teachers, friends and family but I would really like someone to critically edit and give me fee.. more..