BREATH OF DAWN

The escape for rebirth

Down the grassy ground,

Breeze softly shushing

The rustle of leaves underfoot

But crickets were long gone asleep.

 

Crimson face on the horizon

Rising slowly from the east,

Smudge  of light flashing down

the  silhouette, walking on tiptoe.

In every watchful step,

I had my shadow on a leash,

Tied it next to my head.

I waited many moons for bravery.

 

Mephitic fumes of cold years

Killed the words on our lips.

A cut through the tether

Promised us a new scent.

 

While you were the pendulum;

I, the hands of time,

Traveled to widen the distance--

Footprints vanishing.

I said everything to the sun,

And let it be told to you in the morning

When the sunbeam kissed your eyes-

Blazing violet fire.

 

  

Published on 
EMERGE LITERARY JOURNAL
Print

October 2012

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

The relationship had turned sour and stinking. Angry... they had enough after a while and finally found the courage to walk out at the break of dawn and leave them, still sleeping, knowing the sun would be the only thing they'd see when they awoke. Anything that needed saying was said to the rising sun as they walked away from it all. It happens that way sometimes, doesn't it? Congratulations. Not exactly my cup of tea but I can see the appeal of the visuals, word choice and vignette.

[DeerInHeadlights]

"Mephitic fumes of cold years

Killed the words on our lips.

A cut through the tether..."

beautifully said.. all of it.. when enough is enough and it is the only way to leave.. sometimes it has to be this way.. a very colorful spin on the ending of a relationship..

[Eternal Poet]

Very nice piece of work-I think I like all of your poetry so far!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

One right after another... this has many places of interest... each stanza grips you... the reader... the choice of language in the words... the ending releases all there is... left to say... captures the senses...

[Everett DeValle]

Gheeneil, I'm always in awe when your poems...it always reminds me why write, when I read such tantalizing poems, such as yours. Thank you for sharing. :)

[lee von cleef]

Another ,damn if ,I had a pry-bar,I d love to see the inner workings,this clock of time ,laced with the under world mob boss putting concrete galoshes on the timing mechanism,well done but you already know that.11% i will come back.(battery)there is a lot of sun left here.

[.]

~ awe-inspiring work... brilliantly written...

[Nautili]

really lovely piece. I found myself reading it a few times just to savor it, to enjoy it's many nuances of meaning. "I waited many moons for bravery." I liked the native american feel to that, and I also can relate. Emotional bravery is toughest for me, and sometimes when I am, I wonder if I was too transparent. It can be a scary thing to reveal yourself.
Thank you for the review, as well.

[theludus]

Very delicate and rapturous, I love the haiku type feel of these sections, it gives the work and the words themselves a powerful quality as if they were only meant for today. That's timeless. Lovely imagery and variance.... light and shade.

[Bethany Woody]

This piece is so beautifuly writen. I loved everything about this. Especially the new vocabulary I learned, mephitic. I have never heard that word before. I'm going to have to remember it so I can use it one day. I especially liked how you described the journesy to rebirth, the subject isn't often written about. We so often hear of the plight that came before or the joy that cam after, but never the hard road to get to the after. The way you wrote this really draws the reader into the story of the journey. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece.