Sword Fighting

A piece I recently composed. I appreciate both positive and negative criticism :)

The two girls faced each other, concentration radiating from each of them. The sun’s heat was almost unbearable on this warm, midsummer day. There was not a single cloud in the sky today, for none of the clouds dared to even try to cover the radiant sun. There was a gentle breeze that moved the leaves in the treetops. It caused the girls’ hair to blow out behind them in lovely dancing swirls.

One girl, slightly shorter than the other, had crystal blue eyes that sparkled under the sun’s rays and white blonde hair that she loosely tied back into a lazy ponytail. Some strands had managed to escape, and they framed her face. Her skin was like porcelain, for it contained no flaws. Her lips were gently pressed together, preparing for what was next.

The other girl stood barely two feet away from her. She had thick, raven-black hair that cascaded down her back like a waterfall. Her hair was allowed to free fall, and it nearly obscured her emerald eyes. She had an oval-shaped face and a tan complexion, which gave her an enchanting look.

Each girl gripped a sword in her steady hand. They raised their swords up, so that the sun’s rays glinted off of the surface and the deep blue sky was reflected on both blades. The first impact was met with a shower of sparks.

Reviews

[Veronica Nicole]

I enjoy this. I love the attention you paid to detail.

[writingcrazy55555]

Thanks :)

[Fiona]

I really like this a lot! Are you going to make this into a short novel, or leave it as is? I think it's a really great start and that you should continue with it! Great description! Keep on keeping on dude.

[writingcrazy55555]

I may put it into a novel...