Confession

A Story by Sumaid Qaiser

We blame fate for being harsh on us. Is it really fate that's to be blamed ?

Part 1: The Bed.

Girl:

A grandfather clock sat in a corner of the living room, veiled by darkness, barely reflecting the moonlight.

Everything was hushed. The whistles of the wind were muted and the branches were held back by their trunks from swaying freely. Nothing but the eerie silence swept through out the night. All of a sudden, three deafening rings echoed and swallowed peace by the whole.

She heard the clock strike at 3 a.m. Her forehead started to moisten with beads of sweat surfacing. It was the second night without any sound sleep. The tossing and turning. The multiple attempts made her forcibly shut eyes to drown her into Utopia, yet her mind roared with thoughts, almost audible in the thick air.

Love was never meant to torture her. It was supposed to heal every single wound from the past however, she felt them darkening. Only his flawless face, perfectly chiseled by God blind-folded her. His velvety and husky voice caressed her ears. All the words uttered by him, were constructed into heavenly sentences, slowly carved onto her bones.

She needed him. She craved his touch. She had to feel his breath brush against her lips. But she just couldn’t.

The creases in her bed sheets lying under her became deeper by each squeeze of her fists. Never had she felt this much lust for someone in her life. Her core started burning with stinging heat that only aggravated her yearn. Every second that had passed seemed like an eternity for her. Jolting upright on her bed, she ran her shivering fingers through her tousled, chestnut hair.

She had to get herself sorted out or else.

Quickly tip-toeing to the bathroom, a thought of washing her problems away appealed her. With a splash of icy cold water, her mind fell into numbness. All those racing thoughts that tangled her soon loosened and a sigh of relief escaped past her lips.

She was nothing but another face to that boy. Perhaps a few exchange of greetings were made once in a blue moon however, nothing with sparks were shared. Her vivid imagination was a curse for her. Instead of jotting down the lecture delivered monotonously by her teacher, she’d daydream until she’d lost her link with reality. Quite often, her wandering was a botheration to everyone and was asked to bury whatever’s eating her sanity.

She refused. She stood stubborn. All she did was orbit around him.

The Boy:

I haven’t had sentiments for anyone this long. To me she is a cheerful girl leading herself to mischief knowing the consequences still there is a drop of sentiment in me. I don’t know if I might be able to withstand the burden her soul pushes on mine. My heart feels tangled in her innocence character hidden behind those acts.

What’s wrong with me? Maybe it’s just another nightmare which will end soon. I will be back soon to my previous state where I vowed to never have feelings for God’s this creation termed as woman but it’s different.

She is neither like others I witnessed nor like those I will. She is different. Her character is complicated for someone like me to interpret. She is charming but there is still more to it. I should forget her because her nature is seductive.

Part 2 : The Classroom

The Boy:

I breathed in the mingled aromas of the room-the scent of paper and ink, of binding glue and wax, the slightly sour odor of the earnest concentration and the miasmic fragrance of dreams and fantasies.

This is the place where I started my real journey. I always felt sympathy for this room where the sound of friction due to the rubbing of chock with wall influenced me. It is a music I worship due to the joy it delivers.

But now it has changed.

I lose concentration and my mind gets dull. I gaze at her sitting a few meters away still the distance seems as miles. It seems like as if I am looking at a light in those dark shadows around her. She seems more pretty when the teacher blames her for ruining the atmosphere.

I change the position of my face when it feels as if she is noticing me. I then look forward. Nothing changes and the attraction remains. I want to look back at her.

Why this life suddenly became cruel? Why am I the only one to be haunted by her beauty? When did I go wrong? Was I born to be torn apart like this?

I then take off my glasses. I look at the floor and then above. It’s just me, the same old, the exterior is unchanged but the interior, my soul is definitely changing. I raise my hand and brush it in my facial hair. Oh God, I feel warm. Maybe this is how blush feels like. The blood is running faster under this skin. My throat is dry. My heart, it’s pumping faster. With every second my breathe deepens. I need to tear this skin so that I may feel better. Still she doesn’t care.

She remains there as an idol. There is not even a slight movement in her figure. She is like the others around her. Why doesn’t she realize that she is guilty for making me suffer like this?

The Girl :

Chemistry class.

She winced at the thought of sitting in that class for an hour straight but at least she wouldn’t be suffering alone. Since the oh-so-erotic episode last night, she couldn’t help but appear groggy to the public’s eye. Anxiety gripped her by the throat, knowing that the opportunity wasn’t far to re-live it again.

Her feet stopped at the classroom’s entrance, deliberating over the choice of where to exactly sit as she chewed her bottom lip while at it. She stuck with a safe choice of sitting in the middle so that her teacher’s eyes wouldn’t be scanning her every few seconds or so. Slumping in her seat, completely oblivious to the chances of her falling bottom first, a pair of heavy steps caused her to head to lurch 180 degrees anticlockwise.

There he was.

Him.

The reincarnation of Adonis intruded the chitter chatter that was permeating the room. Coming to realise of the fact that she was shamelessly ogling him, her head hung low in humiliation. Why couldn’t she get enough of him? Why unrequited love was a painful bliss? And why couldn’t her fervent desire for him simply dwindle until it’s been wiped out of existence? The ache in her legs commanded her to move in her seat restlessly. “Oh God, not now, ” she thought in frustration. To make matters worse, out of all the seats, he picked the seat that was across her.

Sounds like she’ll be too busy scrutinising the angles on his sharp features rather than the bond angles of Ethene.

Drawing in a deep breath, she felt the heat exit her body for the time being however she’d still managed to sneakily glance at him throughout the lesson. Half an hour into the class, the mundane discussion placed her into a trance of drowsiness. As her face headed towards her desk, a honey-coated voice shot out from her left hand side. The teacher must’ve asked him a question and on a side note, she thanked God for not being the victim this time. She leaned forward out of her seat, eager to hear the next syllable to send her heart into haywire.

Yet he didn’t for a while. His coffee-coloured eyes clouded over and rubbed his stubble whilst he pondered over the unanswered question. Perhaps he wasn’t concentrating either even though he was the star student. A few moments had passed and nothing but the tapping of sir’s foot remained audible.

He pressed his lips together into a rosy thin line. Oh how she couldn’t help but wonder about the softness of his lips trailing up and down her neck, leaving tiny shocks of ecstasy with every stroke. Aroused by the wishful thinking, her eyelids fluttered close. Adrenaline coursed through her veins, triggering her quickened breathing. It just couldn’t stop. An lifetime must’ve passed since he was questioned.

Promptly, he replied with a straight “I don’t know” which shattered her fantasy. The way his mouth shaped around each word was baffled her as if he gingerly took care of every single word that exited him. It wasn’t long until he caught her gazing at him. Their gazes met and a tint of red swept across her face because she worked out at that instant that she was caught red handed. He manifested a brief smirk towards her which lead her into averting her gaze. A thousand possibilities started to overflow her mind. The last kind of person she wanted to be was a delusional one and shook her head roughly only to see him gaping at her slyly.

Part 3 : The favorite spot

The Boy:

Today at the graduation party, I decided to shut down the doors of the heavens. I decided to never look back at the moments that keep on haunting me. I decided to forget the face whose beauty had conquered my dreams. Yes! I have decided to forget her.

She was beautiful then ever today. It seemed like as if I was gazing at a fairy from my childhood memories. She looked at me for the first time in a way that every male lover would want to be looked.

Was she hiding something? I am thinking about the same question for the past five hours since I left the farewell party and arrived at this place.

This is the place where I get all my answers. Maybe when the moving wind would numb my mind then I may be able to distinguish between the two paths where I stand hopeless. Maybe the rays from heaves through this transparent sky would sort anything out.

He kept on thinking.

I need to forget her. Her nature is different. She was born for someone else, someone better, and I declared her my property. She was never mine and she never will be. I will keep on finding myself in anarchy. Please end this and end this right now because there will be no alter only chaos.

He then quickly stood up as if it was against his will. The wind just stopped. The sky got dark. On the peak where he used to crack jokes about love with himself, he opened his mouth and those words came out,” Oh you who taught me love and showed me that it exists, I love you ******”

The Girl :

"We’re almost there, sweets. Wake up," groaned her brother in sheer dullness. A five hour journey to the Northern mountains certainly wasn’t going to be the most exhilarating experience especially when the only other person who’s eligible for a conversation was your brother. She wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand proceeding to ruffling her curtain of hair to view the mesmerising view.

White fluffy, flakes were sprinkled across the cerulean sky with the shimmering sunlight dispersing in every possible direction. In contrast, the grey jagged edges of the mountains penetrated the blue. Dazzled by nature, her eyes continued to admire until the car stopped. She stepped out to inhale the sweet, earthy smell of the soil and rocks deeply. It’d been a since she’d felt at peace. It was as if her body was supposed to dwell here till the end and her soul glowed with satisfaction.

This was what she’d needed after the hectic graduation party at college. The teary eyes and tight embraces held no value if they weren’t shared with the one you loved unconditionally. Hands down, her heartstrings were surely strummed yet it wasn’t the same and a break from her routine became obligatory. She kindly asked her brother for permission to climb up the safest mountain top. The decision was made according to her favour and a gleaming grin spread across her lips.

So off she went until her brother was out of sight and laid down to see eagles soaring across the sky. With the rays dancing on her creamy skin, she practically on cloud nine however it became tumbling down when she was bombarded with memories of the boy who always longed for. Since it was the end of college once and for all, her heart sank when she grasped the truth of her never being able to see him again.

She recalled the times where her love contained only impurity nevertheless, with the passage of time, her feelings mellowed into something more wholesome. It wasn’t just his physical attractiveness that enticed her to place him in glass-like heart, it was his tiny moments of insecurity and his frequent phases of intelligence. If only she could’ve known him more, if only she could’ve broke silence to him. Something about him would always keep her captivated and she may as well never find his duplicate. The idea of her rejecting love from her future potential beloved drowned her in melancholy.

She thought that it wasn’t much of a good plan to have some alone time with her mind as it was the pathway towards destruction. Perhaps if she’d one last chance to amplify her murmurs, the uneasiness could’ve ebbed away. Hastily, she stood up, brushed off the dust off her clothes and looked at scenery for the last time. Hopelessly wishing for his impossible, she headed towards the bottom of the mountain.

"Oh you who taught me love and showed me that it exists, I love you ******."

Her eyes budged out when she heard her name being boomed out of nowhere. She clearly remembers seeing no sign of existence in the mountains excluding her brother. Who was it? Was it�"no? It can’t be? Her insanity must’ve been getting the better of her already. Hesitantly she attempted to react to the yell but the lump in her throat hindered her speech. Finally raising the white flag to the love that stabbed her mercilessly, she continued to walk down, leaving the source as a mystery.

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