[untitled]

 

Lydia stared at the blank wall as the doctor entered. Her arm covered with fresh burns and cuts stood out like black paint on white paper. She shifted in her seat, the cold metal digging into her back. The doctor with his pressed shirt and silk tie sat gingerly in the seat across from her. He plopped a file folder, her file on the table that didn’t match the chairs. After a long pause the doctor finally spoke.

“Hi I am doctor Kirkwood, but you can call me Dr. Kirk, like from Star Trek…”

He smiled, an invitation for her to share in the joke, but her emotions remained frozen beneath the many layers of turmoil and pain. The doctor asked so many questions that it made Lydia’s head spin. She remained silent only answering with a nod or shaking her head. At long last he sat back and just looked at her then at the file. He asked gently “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”

Instead of giving an automatic shake of her head no, Lydia paused. The geyser of pain threatened to blow, but could she trust him? Would he believe her? Or would it be like all of the other people that she thought she could trust in the past. She glanced at him as tears launched themselves into her eyes. She shook her head and laid it down to cover any tears that had managed to escape.

She drifted off into numbness, staring into space. The doctor, Dr. Kirk must’ve gotten the hint that she didn’t want to talk anymore because he sighed audibly and left her in the observation room. She just wanted to escape somewhere anywhere and cry. After hours of being asked questions, the least they could do is let her alone for a while.

Just as she had finally got herself under control, a nurse walked in wearing a care-bears top with pink pants and sturdy white shoes. Her brown hair was perfectly in place and it made Lydia’s frazzled hair look monstrous. She hated the way she looked, because she never looked good enough. She was average height and extremely self conscious of her weight. The nurse motioned for Lydia to follow her into another white room, except that this room was filled with medical instruments and equipment. Lydia sat on the paper covered exam table and waited for the nurse to tell her what she was going to do.

The nurse turned around from gathering supplies from various cabinets and drawers to tell her that she was going to clean her wounds and put dressings on them. Lydia looked at her arm and sighed. Did it really matter whether or not her “wounds” were clean? The nurse, Nicole brought over some water and gauze and began to wash Lydia’s arm.

“Looks like these hurt” Nicole says and looks at Lydia’s face for a reaction.

“No, not really” Lydia answered.

“What do you like to do” Nicole asks as she began to clean Lydia’s wounds

Lydia shrugs and winces as the burns are cleaned.

Nicole finished cleaning the burns and the cuts and put antiseptic ointment on the wounds before dressing them with clean gauze. She smiled and offered her hand to Lydia to help her off the examination table. Lydia opened the door and the nurse followed her out. The wristband that the intake nurse had placed on her left wrist started to chafe and Lydia spun the wristband around as she walked down the hallway.

“Did you want me to show you to your room now?”  Nicole asked.

Lydia nodded sullenly.

Nicole marched down another hallway after waving to the nurses at the desk. What was it like to be so fake happy, Lydia thought? No one is really that happy. The nurse stopped at a doorway and peered inside. She waited for Lydia to catch up to her before stepping inside the room. Lydia looked up and saw the number 222on the door before going into the room. There were 2 beds, a double closet and bed-tables .  Lydia flopped on the bed as the nurse was chattering away about policies and procedures on the unit. Lydia flipped open the booklet that was lying on the bed-table as the Nicole left the room. Breakfast at 8:00, lunch at 12:30 and dinner at 5:30, no sharp instruments allowed on the ward, no shoelaces or necklaces, and a bunch of other things that Lydia really didn’t care about. She thought about her day, wondered what it would have been like if her roommate hadn’t walked in on her as she was cutting herself on her wrist. Lydia had done a really good job of hiding her cutting from everyone, but she didn’t hide it from her therapist. She wondered when he would be up to see her, since he was the person who convinced her to come in to the hospital.

 She wanted to cut, but knew if she injured in the hospital, the nurses might actually think she’s crazy. Lydia thought that there wasn’t a problem with her cutting, although she knew that she came dangerously close to cutting an artery in her arm that day. She looked at her bandaged arm and sighed. There was nothing to do in her room, not even a decent view. All she saw as she stared out the window was the graveled roof of the hospital. She groaned and got up to explore the rest of the hospital floor.

Going out to the day area, she maneuvered around the hard brown couches and beige chairs. Sitting in one of the stiff cushioned chairs she looked around at the other patients. There were a garden variety of people there, hardly any of them looked crazy or psychotic. All of us stuck inside this place with nowhere to go, no one to see and no one who cares she mused. Some woman came over to talk to her, but Lydia moved away from her. She stared at the ancient television half wondering if she should go over to the other part of the day area to watch the newer television. The television was on the news channel and when Lydia got up to change the channel an elderly man started hollering.

Lydia rolled her eyes and changed the channel back, before leaving the area to walk the hallways.  She looked at the clock and was surprised to see that it was only 8pm. She was reminded by her growling stomach that she hadn’t eaten since that morning. She went to the nurses’ counter and asked for something to eat. The nurses’ aid pointed her in the direction of the kitchenette which had a refrigerator and a pantry. Lydia sighed and went to investigate the contents of the kitchen. She settled on having a yogurt and a soda before heading back to her room for the night.

Reviews

[Nyida Strong]

I rather enjoyed this chapter. The way you showed us her stay in the ER then to the hospital is well done. I wonder, though, how much of this telling is fact and how much is fiction? I'm not sure how many injurers will go from burns to cuts in the same day, I don't, but that's me... All in all, a well done chapter and I'm waiting for the next one.

N. Strong