Every day's Story

Every day’s Story

It's every days story

I wake up in the morning daily

After dreaming about you all nights

Not knowing if I'm dead or alive ..

 

Your name is the first thing I tell

I just wish there would be a spell

That make me forget this name

And never re-tell..

 

I look at your pictures all day long

And I'm sure that for me you no belong

I just try my best to be strong

And never do anything wrong ..

 

Every time I look at your name

I feel that it is no longer a game

And I get sure that I burnt myself in a flame

Which made me regret entering such a game...

 

Then I go to straight to my bed

Cover all of my head

Start crying all night long

And dreaming that one day for you I will belong ..

 

26/5/2012

6:35 PM

Author's Note

Yup...my days ..
Hope you like ..

Reviews

[Scytheriax]

"It's every days story"
You just need an apostrophe in "day's"

"And I'm sure that for me you no belong"
I would change the wording to this. "you no belong" reads very awkwardly.

"I just try my best to be strong"
I would change this to a non-rhyming line just to keep with the rhyme scheme you established and returned to in the other stanzas.
Same thing with the line "And I get sure that I burnt myself in a flame"

"Which made me regret entering such a game"
Since you had already used "game" in the rhyme scheme for this stanza, I would consider changing it, though you don't have to, but it would help the poem flow a little better.

The last stanza was definitely my favorite, but this is a really good poem. I liked it. With some minor revisions it will be close to perfect!

[Tai Ryens]

My days are the same, many people go through the same thing, myself included. You've created a poem with an emotion that is very relatable. I love the last stanza the most. Clever poem; well done.

[Black]

a beautifull poem
i really like it

[Leslie Philibert]

Good poem, really like the visual, clever. last verse, well done.

[Sleeping Maiden]

Gods, so much emotion here! it tugs my heart!! It reminds me of the pain that love has.. wah. But this is really good. Well done! I love it so much..

[kadian fraser]

this poem is a sea of emotion and gives me a realistic scene

[Shy Girl]

This was just so emotional and written well..
Very nice job :)

[khalid]

very nicely written. i have really enjoyed reading it

[emman]

This is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo honest and sweet.. :) I liked it so much!

:)