...Take a look on everything you've done to me, the tears you burst
me with and the sadness that you made me experience when I'm still so young,
yet you never had any mercy, you were so like a devil when you held me between
your arms once, when I said if it’s not going to be a forever then let’s make
it a never, and with all your pride and your manly voice you said:" of
course it’s a forever "..But my only mistake was that I believed you, yes,
that was because of love. my love towards you was more than anything in this
world, I loved you more that mountains love the snow, and the hell loves the
wood and more than the sky loves the clouds... But then you betrayed this
trust, to me you were the idol, the one whom I always wanted to impress just
like a little kid who wants to impress him mother when he writer her a love
letter and some small hearts around her name, I was like that kid, but you were
never like that nice mother who pretend that her child's painting is the most
beautiful thing she ever seen... Can you just close your windows for a day and
remember ? can you remember everything I gave you, everything you gave me, and
how you threw them away....
I know I was so dumb believing in love, and when I believed that
love can actually be true, Cinderella convinced me that shoes can get you a
prince, Snow White convinced me that innocence can get you a prince, Piglet
convinced me that friendship can be so deep... But life deleted all those
thoughts and made me believe that this prince will never come and that prince
no more exist.. They extinct with the dinosaurs millions year ago, no one have
seen them ,they are just found in stories only the lucky Cinderella and Snow
White had ones.. but we, hehe, who are we to find them ??...
I can admit that I still think about you, but I thinking about
how you used to be and how you turned out to be, the shocking reality made me feeling
less, you know .. You were the most shocking truth to me , and every day I ask
myself why.. a million why hit my mind and a trillion why break me.. then when
I just message you :"why?"... you don't answer me.. WHY??? , Is it
that hard to tell me, to make me really better, just a clue, I never made any
mistake , I loved you truly... I know these words might sound like a cliché,
but they are turning in my head zillion times every day, and each night I just
think .. what are you doing ??... then my mind answers with pride "sure he
is not thinking about you", then my stupid eyes announce their flood, and
my face get started to face the storm, this year was so rainy and my face got
older, my eyes are no more shinning and my heart no more beat like before, its
beating sing "our songs" (sorry seems to be the hardest word ; They
don't know about us; Truly madly deeply...)... but what I can be sure of that
my mind is full of wisdom now, I can know that anyone can lie, and that world
is not a fairy land and earth is not a saint land.. Devils can be
anywhere, not just in hell but alive.... And humans are ... Nothing, but an
entity full with some thoughts of a gone life, some of us can be a lie others
can be a trap, some’s can be a deceive and a bunch can be a thief.. but you, oh
my darling you were the full package, And I can't tell you how much I loved
that dark black package... But from time to time, I do remind myself that black
is my color, And I do adore darkness... That’s why I loved you..
You know , some time I take a look on us, I loved the way you
used to treat me and the kind of feeling I used to feel with you, how you were
so sweet and how you used to be really gentle, but at the first corner you threw
me there, leaving me alone and with no one around, you made me really… old..
but I can’t deny that you made me live my young life with you, happiness was
all around me and that smile that never left me, and the wildness that I felt ,
I could’ve never felt that in my whole life, I thought it was sinful to be
happy and wild, but then ,with you, everything changed… I admit my happiness,
but now all my happiness is sadness and lonliness.. I don’t even like to talk
to people any more, I like strangers whom can listen to my story then say what
they think and they all say that I have to move on, and forget you… close
people hurt now, they just say that I’m stupid because I still write about you,
and think of you.. But you can never control that, I do keep myself busy
inorder no to think about you, but whenever I hold my pen to write, the first
thing I type is “I miss you”… I miss the person I thought you were… but , its
gone.. I consider that person dead, he died in my mind, and I do recreate you, I
make you a prince, and angel in my mind…you
.. oh.. how much I love you…
I wish I can just tell you, tell you that I love you centillion times ..
but I know that will not change your mind and nothing will change, but I also
know that it will never be enough for you, you know that La douleur exquise
that ‘m passing though is more like killing, sometimes all what I want to have
is you in my arms, me looking at your eyes, moving my fingers through your
black hair, oh baby, what have you done to me here… was it a spell that you
through at me ? or was it your charm?.. honey… I will keep writing for you until
I’m speechless, and I can’t write.. I will keep writing for you until I’m out
of your love, and until that day I will keep writing I love you.. I love you to
the deepest bone baby….
And all what I ask
for is, respect my humanity ,I know I love you so much, but I’m a human too, I get
hurt, I really do, please either be there or never look at me, don’t love me
one day and hate me 100, please… I love you.. and your love is making me cry
while I write this, it makes me choke whenever I say your name and it makes me
smile with a river in my heart.. with all of my love and my bleeding heart I type..
I’m so in love you..Toqburni ya omri.
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