His Heaven

you told me you love me, why did you leave ?

His heaven

As she walked through the door of her destiny

Her soul called his name with no answer around.

She held her dignity and called up her pride

All what she asked for is heaven and him by her side.

 

As the doors of heaven opened to her face so wide

She looked around, ignoring the beauty of the skies

She looked in each corner and in every room as she cried

Looking for him and searching for his smiles.

 

She kept on looking for him in the whole seven skies

When, after centuries and long days of strive

She found him there on earth flirting with her eyes

She thought it was a night mere or even a lie.

 

She looked to the right of her side, and with strong pride

She begged God to send a storm to their sides

He was shocked and his date was too

But she never cared because she was a child in her love.

 

God called his name few days later after the storm

When he was being thrown in hell, she grabbed his hand

She pulled him to her side in heaven and make it his

He left her on earth, but she made herself his servant in her his heaven

Author's Note

I hope you like :)

Reviews

[Cerise]

Omg..i am speechless y the heck didnt i read it befr...ma love it was simply beautiful from start to end..although the end last two lines felt lil weird coz thr was beautifully smooth flow frm start...but baby u r heaven...well done ...

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Using the heaven concept was a good choice. Love is said to be eternal, let's hope they found it at last.

[Rana]

Just so beautiful.. The concept of Heaven has been amazingly used.. That love, the search and longing, the hurt, yet the care.. Been done really well..

[Mila]

This was very nice! I may be a bit redundant in saying that I'm not a poetry person so, as far as that goes, I am pretty useless with critiques. I'll keep things technical, and I hope it helps! :)

1. The line "As the doors of heaven opened to her face so wide" this is probably me being a complete idiot so feel free to ignore it, but you are referring to the doors being wide, right?
2. The phrase "... whole seven skies..." be careful with wording such as this. Whole always implies one entity and with seven, that is more than one. It works here, but usually it doesn't so tread with caution when using this wording.
3. "...night mere or even a lie..." a tad confusing. I think I know what you're saying here, but consider a little bit of tidying up here.
4. "...she made herself his servant in her his heaven..." consider tidying up this a bit. It's a bit confusing.

That is all I saw that stood out. For the most part, this was a great read! I normally don't dabble in poetry, but I am glad that I took look at yours. Well done! :)

[stars are far]

hallo,, first thankds for the review.. then. wide doors, like they opened in her face really wide..
4. its like its supposed to be her heaven but then she changed its name, and gave it for him, thats why i wrote her- his... like its supposed to be hers, but then she gave up to for him.. and thank you so much :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

I like ur expression and story, a nice work

[Leslie Philibert]

Like this too, the last line needs to be tidied up !

[wordman]

I love the theme of the story and the fact were all under the same sky

[debraj]

the story behind this poem is really great. .. nice written...really heart touching...well written....

[debraj]

really rgeat.... the fact what u wanna told readers really...great. .. well written....