Lost You

Heartless

He gave me that promise late at night

we are going to have that family and our kids.

He said he will be with me though every fight

And he will break every bulling heads.

 

He said he is afraid of only one thing ,

 I will wake up one day and realize he no more belong to me

But he said that and I denied his words

Because I know my heart when it truly fall.

 

I thought about his words more than million time

Because they can never make my heart rhyme .

I loved him blindly and with every flaw

But what happened to our past glow ?

 

I kept my promise fresh and alive

Even when each day and night I strive.

You had that day when you woke up and say

“ I don’t feel the same towards you anymore “.

 

I smiled and said that’s okay with me

You can walk away and be free.

But my heart broke to more than zillion piece

And my soul didn’t knew except how to silently weep .

 

But you left with no explanation for what you said

And all what I knew that you left me really dead.

I lost my faith in love and peace ad all what you said

And I felt those lies you said killing me inside my head.

 

Couldn’t you let this game end before it even begin

You could at least avoid seeing that bloodless heart here

You could’ve kept your image as a king to me

And as an angel that you used to be .

 

But now your  image is a tear to my soul

Every time I see it I wipe and cry on my own.

Your beauty killed me and your words did too

All what I want to tell is that I really loved you.

 

Even when a million year pass through

When I and your eyes meet and that might be true

I will ,cry,cry,cry and that’s because I’m weak.

Yes that’s the truth after I really loved you .

Author's Note

This song summarizes myself now :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yipoOY56MbM

Reviews

[KAin]

Poignant and heartfelt. I'm sure everyone will be able to identify with what you've conveyed here - the pain is well-known, but no less powerful.

On a more technical side, i noticed that you broke your rhyme scheme in stanzas 2 and 4. The rest had enough near-rhymes or internal rhymes that it didn't matter, but i felt that those two detracted from your style a little. I get the feeling this poem was just hammered out with emotion, and that makes it powerful and raw. With a bit of editing, it will be even more effective. Thank you for sharing. And good luck to you.

[stars are far]

thank you so much ..and well i really didnt plane my rhymes and those which are not rhynmed are written while tears are filling my eyes and my heart craking so loud.. thank you so much for your review :)

[KAin]

I quite understand... I suspected as much, which is why this feels very real. I'm sorry, friend. Wishing you well.

[stars are far]

Thank you dear

[Robert Strzalko]

You write about your emotions with a lot of honesty and you're not afraid to show your vulnerability. That makes for good writing.

[stars are far]

thank you so much for review..
and well Good poetry comes from heart .. :)

[untitledramblings]

Totally heartfelt. While I was reading I realized that I liked some of the lines more than others. I was going to put them in here but decided against it because there were too many to count. I loved it.

[stars are far]

aww thank you :)
so happy you liked them :)

[untitledramblings]

You're welcome :)

[FallenHeroXx]

This is good. I really dig this..

I liked the whole "But you left with no explanation for what you said
And all what I knew that you left me really dead.
I lost my faith in love and peace ad all what you said
And I felt those lies you said killing me inside my head."

Best stanza in my opinion.

I'm speechless!

Which is a good thing.

100/100

Fallen.

[Leslie Philibert]

This is excellent, good rhymes ; a poem with a strong narrative !

[stars are far]

thank you so much

[Tai Ryens]

This was poignant, and the icon for it intensifies the emotions you portray, of being left, and seem to suggest a darker theme . . . Well done, such raw and intense emotions.

[stars are far]

thank you :)

[Lily Mae]

You penned your feelings and emotions very well with this... I send hugs...xoxo

[stars are far]

aww thank you ..i really need some hugs :( but too weak to talk about it to anyone..
thank you really

[cycy]

wow. so raw and so true. i can definitely relate. this is a very powerful piece. straight from the heart, that's what true writing is about, putting your feelings into words. but just a pointer though,take a few mins to edit hey, it will make for greater ease when reading,Otherwise..perfect piece.i really loved this one.

[stars are far]

ireally didnt think about the rhymes or how i wrote it, i just wrote the words that are describing my pain..and surely when i be better i will edit this, just not now because those words are exactly what hurting me ...and the rhymed stanzas are just because i write usually...not planned at all ...thank to you so much reading it :)

[Priyankaabhilaashi]

Great picture of the pain suffered..!!! Keep sharing..!!!

[stars are far]

thank you :)