never

When I said never,
I meant always.
I can sense you in everything,
I smell your cigarettes when
I light up my own, and
I miss the taste of your mouth.
And I'm immoral but
I never claimed to be a saint
especially when my liver
is not so much longer intact,
either way, I want to love you
and I keep on doing so and I
keep going and I
keep wanting and I
keep getting but I
can't keep.
Will you open yourself?
I am not going to reach my hands
out to hurt
just to hold.
F**k the way you are,
I won't accept this
as an excuse.
When you've got me
in your arms, I'm safe to die.
I brand myself in scarlet
and it's pulling me down
to where I used to be and
it's not fair to leave me
here like this.
 When will you ever learn?
 And why is it always I, who
has to pull the wool
off of your eyes?