I'm Sorry

this is half of a coversation. -enjoy-

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I’m sorry,

But there’s nothing I can do.

I already feel it happening.

I can feel myself closing off.

The speed and efficiency with which it happens

Would be quite amazing,

If it didn’t suck so bad.

But it does,

So its not.

I can’t help it.

I don’t know how to stop it.

I wish I could.

 

 

 

For so long I hurt.

For most of my life I knew,

I just knew, that I didn’t get good.

But then I met you.

And that changed;

Everything changed.

You were what I had been wishing for

For so long.

You’re what I always knew I wanted;

What I always knew I needed.

But now?

This is killing me

Quite completely.

I’m supposed to stand by

And watch the only good I’ve ever gotten

While it gets ripped out from beneath me?

And I’m not supposed to feel pain?

I’m not supposed to break?

I just can’t do that.

I’m sorry.

 

 

 

Yes, I could have fought.

But what good would that have done?

Do you really think this is a fight I could have won?

Would anything I did actually change anything?

No, it wouldn’t have.

 

 

 

You’re so good at generalizing people.

“You Americans.”

“You’re just being a stupid American.”

All or nothing?

There’s no gray area here.

It really, truly is black and white.

You’re either here

Or there.

You can’t be in two places.

 

 

 

So I’m protecting myself.

I’m sorry,

But I have to.

I really had no choice in the matter.

I could have fought.

I could have watch as you left;

Flew away to your second,

More desirable home.

But then,

When I awoke from sleep that I would fall into,

For those countless moments you were gone,

I would be more closed;

More afraid;

Cold;

Guarded

Then you left me as.

So I couldn’t put on a happy face

And be the person you once loved.

I’m sorry,

But I can’t do that.