The rage

I feel like I have lost that thing the spark and as result the only woman I have ever truly loved. She seems to think I do not care and that I do not feel. As if I am some sort of monster that shows no emotions. A cold soulless beast, that has but one purpose to destroy all that he holds dear. She so often make me feel like this that I almost do not mind it anymore. Sadly, it shakes me to my very foundation. That deep cool darkness is the Rage. That is the same rage, anger and fear of rejection that I feel when she has her head buried in the cell phone. When she spend long hours after work talking to men, I have never heard of and they share each other likes and dislikes. It is reading text and realizing that parts are missing. Is she cheating? Is she leaving me? Why do the worst thought always seem to come to mind? Am I that damaged? Can it be true that I am just not worthy of love and affection? How do I not think this way after being hurt so many, many times before? I let my fears eat holes in my heart. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of loneliness. The bitter taste of knowing something is off but being unable to comprehend what is happening. You are losing her sir. That is right you used to be her only sir. Have you been replaced sir? Is there someone new? Someone better than you? How will you handle the loss this time? Will you revert to the sad pathetic stages of depression and grief? Maybe this time you will finish the job the right way and all will be over quickly. It is not as if you would be some great loss. Most likely, no one will notice you are gone. You should not think this way my sir. I love you. It is all I need to hear to set my heart at ease. Please my love do not shut me out. Do not lock your heart away from me. I need you my love I need you. You will always belong to me. You are mine as I am yours

Author's Note

I am not sure if this belongs here but please tell me what you think.