Exhiliration and Masturbation

Another one of my unlikely comparisons. I only do this because I can.

 The graphics on the big flatscreen were awesome, and the ability to control the image there, was disturbingly ergonomic. I was a novice, and flailed this way and that, trying my very best to feel the peril of the animation that was ...well, me. I guess.
Good fingers and a quick mind. I was getting killed by a 12 yr old kid! It was frustrating, like running in quicksand.
We thumbed away for hours. He kept talking about how awesome his gamewhatever was.
And it was, pretty awesome. I am in awe of digital technology. But, in spite of all that, I didn't feel like I had just walked out of a living nightmare. Nope. Nothing of the sort. And I kept thinking about it all the next day and the day after.
Then Charlie came by to get Doobye and wanted me to come over and race/fight/crash/kill/ and commit fantastical felonies.

Suddenly, because I really wasn't interested, it came to me what was missing.
"Nope, no gaming today my friend. And really, I am not all that into it."
He was the slightest bit disappointed, and, a bit annoyed I think. So I felt obligated to explain.
Charlie, I said, I want to tell you a story, don't worry, it's not a big lecture, like normal.
He laughed, and we poured cocoa powder over boiling water.
One time, I proceeded, Me and my cousin, Matt, were riding the candy mountain trail.
It's a 12 mile loop and loaded with water bars, that over decades, have turned into perfect stadium jumps. The best ones are downhill, although, you can't f**k up because you can't slow down. Anyway, I want to cut it short...
You see, what happened was we came out of a downhill bank at about 40 and accelerated the few yards to what looked like a brink. Once over there is an immense space below you, that magically disappears as you sail down, and if you got it twisted full stop when you touch down, it's actually very smooth.
However, this time we were side by side and I was sailing towards Fat Matt. He responded, (now, remember all this takes place in about 1potato 2 potato 3 potato 4)
by pushing me.
This is the part I want you to hear; I knew I was screwed when the pine branches reached out and started slapping me... AwFuck, I thought, and then, Snap!, I relaxed and twisted the throttle. The ServiceCR500 hit in the roots and mud of the right bank, Matt's back tire arced away, just in front and too my left, hurling tennis ball sized rocks at me on it's way.
Magically, the suspension held, and other than getting smacked on the left knuckles by one of Matt's rocks, the touchdown was uneventful.
Now, because of that 3 and a half seconds of defeating gravity on an especially dangerous motorized vehicle, and then compounding this with a potentially life changing loss of line, well, I was giggling with adrenalin and didn't get back to normal until a couple of hours later. And to be honest, stuff like that is the essence of the sport. It don't hurt unless you can see bone, ya know.
So, I hope you can see why your games, however realistic they may seem, are just Mental Masturbation, Charlie.
His eyes snapped open..What? he said...
You heard me, not That kind of masturbation, dummy, Mental Masturbation.
Yeah, I get it. he replied.
And with Charlie, that uninterested air means he really did understand.
Well, minus the smell of Pre-Mix and the force of Acceleration.

Author's Note

it's all practice afterall.....

Reviews

[luciddreamer]

This is an incredible story....whatcha hiding it for? When you were describing the 12 mile loop an image hit my brain that was just awesome...have no idea if that's how it looks but damn my mind said it was great......and your right the games leave something to be desired and off to beat the next without a real feel of the experience....damn man I feel like I am back in my childhood on my skateboard trying to go over that dang speed bump again...fantastic write

Peace
Robin

[Samuel Dickens]

Alright! Now I know why my 19 year-old nintendo-reared son drives (real cars) so crappy--mental masturbation. I'm serious; he can whup me at video games all day long, but can't get his car into a parking spot straight. Thank you, oh wise one.