Air Time

I still haven't resolved this after six months..

How strange and wonderful it was. A distinct sensation of 'fuzzy all over'. Only more powerful. I mean, I had chatted back and forth with lots of girls online, it was very rewarding intellectually, with the added coolness of conversing with someone via written words, to the other side of the world. But this was different. An electrical current above and beyond the internet, was passing back and forth, AC/DC plus.

Rapidly I fell into a trance, wherein I had comfortable sensations of confidence and peculiar awakenings biologically that I had never experienced. How was it that this girl could be so attractive, having never seen her. I already knew the answer to that.
Thus, my feelings were reinforced and melded themselves to my current frame of mind which just happened to be engrossed in questions concerning the alarming states of unconsciousness in my fellow Americans.

I had left my proper nation in disgust and anger. I could not be a prophet in my own land, and I sure as hell could not get the attention of my peers, who were lost in a world of mindless consumption. An erroneous paradigm that threatened every aspect of Human survival.

I met Damelo' after I had went through a three and a half year period of cleansing. Which took place in a tiny fishing village in a third world country. Thus, it worked very well for me. What lessons and illuminations I could not glean from the tranquility and adventure, the subtropical sun burned into my psyche. After this I moved to the city and went online for a year. I was well into my investigations of things that had plagued my heart for years, and out of the ether, came a funny angel.

How great it was to meet a kindred spirit, and build a cool relationship, sight unseen!
I was in awe of the forces that had brought to me, finally, someone I could really get a grip on.

Which I did.

Then I started acting like a paranoid sckitzo, and proceeded to scare the crap out of her by sharing the amazing things I had found on the net. Most of which were still in the process of blowing every thing I had been taught to believe out the window. While at the same time lending credence to things I knew were Truth, pretty much always.
Not that anyone else wanted to hear about it.

Damelo' tried real hard to tow the line, but I am a hard guy to control. I am logical, reasonable, and contrary, to a fault. Which is OK, because that is what it takes to be a Patriot. I assured her that I wouldn't ask her to run off and join the revolution, but really, that's what I wanted, a Lieutenant/Sweetheart. I definitely convinced myself that this was the way of things,and so I fucked up any chances of having a real relationship with a person who was probably perfect for me, though I could not seem to convince her of it.

Sorry about that Dame', but everybody can't just keep pretending everything is as it should be when our children are reflecting our evil, and the treasury is empty.
But for what it is worth, I do love you.

Author's Note

I know, I'm a jerk.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Try not to beat yourself up over it; you're not the only guy that excells at destroying great relationships and running off the perfect mate. I'm an expert at it. Like you, as soon as I thought the girl was on my side, I'd open up and share my thoughts--ALL of my thoughts, thereby sending her running for cover.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

It does not always have to be resolved!

vincent

[Desert Dreamer]

I am finished pretending and it is time to join the revolution...if I can find it...actually I already found it and it is inside myself at least for now. I enjoyed your story and felt for you and your lost love.

[luciddreamer]

I understand this so completely. Such an emotional write. Thank you!

[cest la vie]

Tony-never under estimate the power of your friendship to her.
one man's time may not be the other man's right time. continue to hold true to yourself and the universe will reward you..this I is firmly believe..
as always, you write your stories so damn well..
and yes, you and Ed would have a smoking grand time together.
Peace


You are not a jerk..

[Ed Hart]

i would sit down and smoke with you, and we would go through a couple of pounds of good smoke, and when we were through, things would not look the same to you...now, whose hubris it taller...(singing to the chorus upsets the chorus as much as passers by)