Other Peoples Tools

....do you still have my hammer?... The picture there is of a Thermonuclear Device. Ugly.

By chance I was at this lady's house one day. I didn't know her, she was a friend of the person I was with. She had a nice house, expansive with big windows. While waiting for my friend,I was wandering around this big room. It was a studio/library/office sort of an affair, very messy. On a large desk there was a bunch of papers and pens, a stapler, several books and an old cup of coffee. Now, I don't know if this gal was a scientist, mathematician, or a horse trader, but I could tell she knew a bunch. On a felt marker board that hung on the wall there was, in fact, a bunch of figures and numbers. Like an alien language they proclaimed knowledge I could not comprehend. Big blue numbers and symbols leading to a fact, I suppose. On the desk lay a slide rule, next to a cell phone.

You gotta be shitting me, I thought.

I wondered if all those books really had the keys to the symbols and numbers. Couldn't prove it by me, but wow!, sure as hell looked impressive. I looked at the board a little closer. Nope, nothing. No Comprende. I laughed then, thinking how unsurprised I would be if it all turned out to be so much mack mack milly mack. One thing was for sure that day. I would never have the time or the interest to comprehend the higher math..

I did take something with me that day, an idea. And I have put it to practice a few times over the years. One afternoon, a long time ago, I was sitting at a kitchen table, watching a kid play with a compass. He made circles of varying sizes and colors. Later, I put a pencil in the thing and made a circle on a sheet of construction paper.  Then I retraced 75% of the circle, and left the sw quadrant open. I made a straight line with a ruler through the center, with little arrows on the end. Over the next hour or so I doodled carefully on the sheet, putting little numbers and symbols here and there. I am not an artist by any means, but it turned out to look pretty cool. By that I mean, authentic.

Looks are decieving. It was complete nonsense, of course. But I liked the way it looked and hung it on the fridge with a magnet. A red B, and a yellow S, for 'bullshit'. I noticed people would look at it, but only about 1 in 10 commented on or questioned it's significance. I left it there for a long time.

I told a girl once that it was a problem 'we' were working on, physics is what I called it.

Oh! How interesting!

No, I'm kidding, It's just a bunch of numbers and symbols actually, I was just doodling one day....

So, you just drew all that because.....?

Literally, I drew all that  to see if it would pass for the real thing.

No,sir. That would be ridiculous.

I know, but you are still looking at it.

Hmmm....she repied losing interest in the art, and the artist.

Author's Note

I'm the weirdest person I know!

Reviews

[Radiohead]

I dated a someone once who placed a stack of books on the coffee table because I like to read. She admitted later that she did so just to impress me, turns out she never read a book in her life. Funny. Your story reminded me of that.

A good story, I enjoyed it.

[Angela]

Weird is good! as is this write. I smiled through he whole thing. So much pomposity in the world and people trying to impress others. I love this1

[Robin]

Im actually laughing , you may be weird but you sure dont lack an imagination ...

when they dig up your drawing up a bagillion years from now they will wonder too ...

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

that final line is killer.. both in the global sense of how capricious we are as humans.. and on a personal level because it slices like a sharp blade into my own insecurities..

[Desert Dreamer]

Makes me wonder if the house with the books and mathmatical equations were for the same purpose as your experiment. Appearances can be deceiving. Great story!

[luciddreamer]

This is an interesting story.....

[Baz]

I really liked this, Tony. Very witty and very well written in my humble opinion. I like the last line especially. Its a bit like explaining a magic trick. Once the "mystery" has been exposed, we lose interest. Nicely done.

[Samuel Dickens]

This phenomena relates somewhat to my notion that the word "expert" can be funny. Facts, as as sworn to by experts this week are often disproven the next week. Then the girl who's impressed by a lie and offended by the truth, well, that's something else.

[cest la vie]

I see my Brother below me stole my words. Why do the men get here first.. Yes, I love it.
The way we can rope people in with idocy and watch them grope for some intelligent answer ( as we knew it was all BS to begin with). Yes, like the fish on the dock..floundering..
Very witty piece here tbo..

[Through the Gateway]

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

This was a fun read! Hell...I may have to try it! Excellent ending!