Hazy

How I felt all day.

 

I woke up today and everyone was gone.

I was surprised to see that I was all alone.

Ghosts of all the people that I know

Were all that remained today when you were gone.

 

It took me by the shoulder,

Spun me around

And I felt my life

Crash against the ground.

 

Today I became a ghost,

Walked both planes of the world.

You are all around me

But I can't reach,

Surrounded by family

But I lack all speech.

Today I became a wraith,

Lost forever in a lack of pain.

 

Funeral shrouds coated all of the sky

I watched as the hearse for that man drive by.

His wife and his kids were held within

Mourning the life that fled from him.

 

Today I became a ghost,

Walked both planes of the world.

You are all around me

But I can't reach,

Surrounded by family

But I lack all speech.

Today I became a wraith,

Lost forever in a lack of pain.

 

Fade away so softly

Into a lack of being.

I'll fade away so softly,

So softly.

 

Today I became a ghost,

Walked both planes of the world.

You are all around me

But I can't reach,

Surrounded by family

But I lack all speech.

Today I became a wraith,

Lost forever in a lack of pain.

 

Today I became a ghost,

I watched you all pass

And then at last

I disappeared into myself.

Reviews

[FoolsGold23]

:today I became a wraith, lost forever in this lack of pain: WOW loved that line, this one is so.....eerie and yet, profound. Sad to think that you felt like a ghost, but some days, why not? That is a bizarre and very introspective way of looking at things, a perspective I am gaining respect for, Man, Stussy, you write some Great works!!! *applauds* Woohoooo!

[ShAdOw]

I can relate to the loneliness in this piece .. this is amazing John

[Mysty Rayn]

I really like this. It's here it's there. It had me thinking on thing then another. I like liked that. It didn't go where I expected. Another great write.

[DevilsNeedLove2]

Conveys the feeling of loneliness so well. I can really relate to this. Strong imagery, and I like the word "wraith." I don't see it used very often.

[Larissa G.]

Well, it isn't quite clear what the "it" is in the second stanza. I found a few tense mistakes.
I also think it would read a bit better without the chorus stanzas at all. They just don't appeal to me, they're to simple and blunt. Song, maybe, but even that isn't my genre.
But I did like where this was trying to go. I hope I haven't offended you completely, I did see some lovely little images and ideas scattered within the work that appealed to me. Just not enough for me to fall in love with it. But I understand the personal feelings writers can have, so...yeah. Just offering my opinion. :)

[♥ Courtney &hear..]

"I must have really good eyes



because I can see you"


Brilliant.