Question?

Random. Dark. I like it.

 

People everywhere

Greeting me with smiles

Seem to think

They know me totally.

For some reason

They see me and think I am

A nice sane guy.

Fucked up bull s**t.

 

Behind the closed doors,

The shutters slammed tight

And the room cast

Into a black void,

That’s where I see

Another deeper darker side of me!

Hyde in my hide.

 

Values and truths

Distorted unto themselves,

Bruised black and purple

By the beatings of my mental beast.

Torn sheets of thought

Are strewn about the shack

And a knife held by my hand

Is jutting straight out of my back.

 

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

oh yes nobody knows who we are ,they just see the smile and the nice manners ,but when we are closed to ourselves and that brain starts to work in a hellish style all black thought and cruelties will come out ,we are so lonely ,its so sad,i really liked this ,its brutal ,but truthful,this is great write i enjoyed it a lot,thank you

[Celtic Cat]

Are you spying on me again? lol
I know. It's so sad but socially acceptable to "put on a happy face". Gosh...we're taught that from childhood, aren't we? I think I do recall that song from way back then. When I worked at a male adolescent rehab I discovered that we are ALL injured at our cores, and until we exorcise our demons, they will continue to rear their ugly heads when the opportunity arises.
I too have been in touch with my dark side so much so....that I'm about to move into the heart of the NJ Devil's territory. Hey....if you're gonna dance with the beast....why not do it at his place??
Excellent write, Mr Hyde. : ) Of course you know you're not alone.

[Vatsayayana]

"Hyde in my hide."

Ohhhh... how I love this line. Gives me shivers down my spine.
Do we truly know those around us, those closest to us?
Or do we pretend to know? Do we even WANT to know?
Sometimes the truth is too much, sometimes we pretend, sometimes we chose not to see.
This is a wonderful piece broadcasting those truths, the truths we carry inside of us.
I love your imagery, the knife in your hand, but straight out of your back.
~shaking head~ I think we've all been there. Brava, doll, this is fabulous.

[M@]

There are two lines, within this piece, that stand out above the rest so much so they themselves could become cornerstones for future writings. These lines are, "Hyde in my hide," and, "Torn sheets of thought." The first line, obviously a reference to the character, suggests not only a hidden part of people that we rarely know of, but also hints at schizophrenia and madness. The playful word choice only makes it more sinister, adding a sense of playfullness to insanity. The second line of mention suggests a covering (bedsheets, blankets, what have you). It's usually believed that coverings such as this provide protection from the elements or the outside world; for children, sheets or staying under the sheets gives a sense of security from that which goes bump in the night. However, sheets and coverings also have a blinding aspect to them as well; the child under the sheets doesn't see that there's nothing really there, an overhead covering protects from the sun, but we can't see it. Giving sheets the persona of thought arouses questions about how protective or blinding our thoughts really are, and once these sheets are removed, or torn up, exactly how free and protected are we? Marvelously done, and a truly remarkable feat to compact such heafty imagry into so few words.

Sadly, these are the only two lines and images that really stand out, the others are all rather cliche. Anyone who knows the token High-School-Poet knows about void, darkness, suicide, cutting, killing, blood, crimson, red, Godlessness, and fucked up bullshit. Nothing wrong with that, if you choose to stick with it, but using cliche images looses a hell of a lot of impact for the readers, and with the two awesome lines you've provided, it leaves the reader salivating for more and wondering why they're not getting it. The rest of your poem is powerful, and plays with hefty imagry. The best way to fix the cliche aspects of this piece, (if I may offer my humble suggestion) would be to find multiple ways to express that idea. "Hyde in my hide," could have easily been, "Hiding in myself," which is just another overdone phrase.

This piece has a hell of a lot of knockout potential, potential that will leave your readers keeping the night-light on the next time they sleep. That should not suggest, however, that this piece wasn't good. With two amazing phrases, you touch on an issue very few people think about, and you bring it about full force. Good on ya'.

[Emily B]

Strong, well-spoken, every word executed with perfection.

[KUFU]

Yeah Stussy. Straight heat.
I like the form too. A stanza of eight lines, then seven followed by an ending eight. Hmmm...
Punctuation is flawless; a tool I usually stay away from with my own poetry. The poem reads like you consciously pick and chose your words carefully. A trait that is essential when self examining. You went there.

"Behind the closed doors,
The shutters slammed tight
And the room cast
Into a black void,
That's where I see
Another deeper darker side of me!
Hyde in my hide."

...the wordplay at the end: NICE! I wrote a poem of honest self-examination...scared the s**t out of me! I realized I might be a re-incarnated Dr. Jekyll myself.

[allwrite]

John,

I really like this piece. Very rarely have I met anyone that is the same on the inside as they are on the outside. You captured this perfectly. Nice write. AW

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

The inside is never the same as the outside, to the outside world we can be all full of smiles and happyness but inside a raging conflict of emotion can stir. A great piece!

[Fantasyfairy]

Wow. I like it. The darkness and the random thoughts of pain here. People only ver see the mask that we put on for them, very few, if anyone ever sees the real darkness that can be hidden beneath. WOnderful work. XX

[Ambassidor in Chains]

Holy s**t man, that's pretty brutal. I really like it. Due to exhaustion however, I'm not too sure as to what your whole message is. It's really good though.