McSmooth. Hmph. More like McBastard.
One woman just wasn’t enough for you?
I would care more, had I not mastered
Ignoring all those little things you do
What is with that Celtic b***h?
It was just an online fling,
Despite the idea's attractive itch,
I never once thought of leaving.
I think he’ll enjoy his mashed potatoes
I twice-baked them with such care
Lots of garlic to hide the arsenic
Refuse my food? He wouldn’t dare!
I've long decided she's not worth
All my patience and money.
She is allergic to the spider's bite.
All I can say is sleep well honey!
Oh, look, here’s that picture of us
The one that caught the exact moment
That love first kindled with the lust
We spent the whole weekend in that tent!
Granted, our feelings once were great,
A love laced with passion of course.
But after a few night's in her bed,
I learned she was just a one-trick horse!
I guess we had some good times
Here and there between the bad
If only he wished to experiment
It could’ve been a better love life we had
We were in love, don't get me wrong,
A couple that was happy in every way
Until she tried to bring those handcuffs
To bed with us. One look and I said "No way!"
I don’t think he ever really trusted me
Wouldn’t once let me lead the way
I fear he thinks it’s unmanly
He lied when he said “to obey”
She never told me before matrimony
That she was such a feminist.
Up on top is the place of the man,
The woman is meant to submit.
Oh well, not too much time now
He should be home for dinner soon
I even baked him his birthday cake
To go with the pretty balloons
As I pull in the driveway
I smell my favorite dinner's scent.
She doesn't know it yet
But I'm getting my wish present!
Oh, here he comes, right on time
Let me get the candles lit
I’m wondering ‘bout this plan of mine
Hope it goes off without a hitch!
---------------------------------------------------
Police found the bodies
Of Mr. And Mrs. Marinside
Dead in their beds this morning.
Not sure if it's homicide or suicide.
A break-in is out of the question,
All locks were left firmly shut.
Must have been another solution
To the classical marriage-gone-to-smut.