I Did

Written with a LOT of help from justjenn_2u, an AWESOME writer on here. Go check her stuff out, her url will be at the bottom note.

Have you seen the rose whithering
She bloomed back to life
Have you seen the sky blithering
Sky sliced by the knife
Have you seen the bird with frailed wings
Wings healed to take flight
Have you felt the pain of life's stings
You still fight the fight
Have you conquered the deep valleys
Made it through the fright
Have you conquered all your journeys
Felt the chill of night
Have the stars taken to melting
Blurring in your sight
Is your mind already smelting
Never asking why
Did you ever see it coming?
I won't watch you cry

Author's Note

Find her work here, I highly recommend her poetry.
http://www.writerscafe.org/justjenn2u

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sounded much like one person wrote this...you blended that well...

i am an English teacher, but punctuation in poetry gets a lot of poetic license...i also felt most of the questions, until the end of the poem, were rhetorical rather than actual questions asking for answers.

smoothness here---

life is a journey, these are stops.

jacob

[John Stussy]

Thank you very much for your review sir, I'm glad you enjoyed this poem. Jenn and I seem to blend pretty well when we write, I think it's because we settle on what meter and rhyme scheme we want to use beforehand.

[Mickey Gonzalez]

Hits home, I liked this.

[Kaylor Mason]

Does anyone ever see it coming?

[Ghost of Jupiter]

wonderful work...both of you, it was a true pleasure reading such fine poetry

[John Stussy]

Thanks, you should definitely check out Jenn's writing, she's also a really talented poet.

[Ghost of Jupiter]

I shall indeed :-)

[Natasha]

Criticism wise you have a grammar issue. You forgot question marks after all the questions in the poem. I did remember to put one on the last question at the end though. Overall, I really enjoyed the flow of this and I thought it had some good word usages.

[justjenn_2u]

Many times within a poem, it's not necessary to blend the question marks, etc. These type thoughts are left to the reader's assumption and thus leaves a place for the imagination to go. This is freestyle and not English class.

[That_Girl]

I gotta agree, you both possess such raw talent! ;) Seriously though... really neat the way this was constructed... bravo you two! :)

[John Stussy]

Thanks, it was a good deal of fun to work on. :) Glad you enjoyed it!

[justjenn_2u]

I want to get to know more about both of you. : ) Two talents with pure, natural and not a bit of it is forced. IT JUST FLOWS. Hmmmm. Two collabs flowing so naturally. I am in awe and you know what I mean.

[John Stussy]

Haha it has a lot to do with the awesome, absurdly talented lass who not only wrote it with me but brought up the proposition to do so in the first place. :P Was a great privilege working with such awesome talent!