Life

 I can't escape this hell

in which I've been thrown

merciless indeed

it casts all stones

there is no turning back

just give in to the black

be cast to the shawdows

where the others lie

barely alive

 where there's nowhere to go

no hopeful sigh

you sit in the shawdows trapped in your mind

and darkness comes

destroying all life

feeding on grief

collecting your lies

then you come to relize

that this is the destiny of your life

to sit in the all-consuming shawdows

not knowing whether you wish to survive

I can't escape this hell

in which I've been thrown

 

Author's Note

This is a really bad poem, but I will post it anyway. Please critique me hard; there is always room for improvement.

Reviews

[That Weirdo You Just Mi..]

I really liked this. I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. Keep up the good work. Peace to you and the world. Leelee

[Wunderlich]

This is pretty good. Eagle Cruagh already pointed out the simple "relize" error. Besides that, I think it's pretty good. It flows well and the diction is simple, yet powerful.

[Eagle Cruagh]

then you come to relize.

Above is an example of a simple error, the kind
we all make. The answer to this is to re-read
your material. I know, because I do the same thing.
You write rapidly, getting your thoughts posted before
you lose them, then you post your material.

Go back and read, looking for small errors, you will find
big ones, I guarantee it.

Now that I have expounded on what is wrong and how to
correct it, I want you to know your writing is beautiful,
it flows nicely with a nice command of the language.

Thanks for sharing !

=----Eagle Cruagh

[Holly]

Thank for the comments guys I will revise it to make it flow better!

[Wildecat]

Have to give you credit for trying. It's not that bad could improve on the flow.

[revenant21]

It's not that bad, I think there are a few things you could do to make it flow more rythmically, but it's not as bad as you say. So don't go {play with any scissors} ^^